LOOKING FOR BUSINESS CARDS TO PROMOTE BOOKS

I WANT a business card which looks like a book. I have a few ideas.

1 I already have Vistaprint cards which allow me to upload a photo which can include myself holding my latest book.

I was on Facebook and I keep getting ads for Moo cards.
They have a section for quotations. (I have two books of quotations - and would like to devise my own quotation.
I'm not sure that it would be appropriate to use my saying, 'Of course you can wear white at your wedding if you are not a virgin - everybody else does'.
Moo also have a photographer section with an old fashioned camera and one with four different cameras.
What I was also looking for is a card which looks like a book. Their Notebook design looks like a book.

What else? How about a folding card which opens like a Book?
I tried googling 'folding' and 'cut' and found this company's offering. Pricey, but it's what I want. Maybe a birthday present?

http://www.printing.com/uk/group/regular-folding-and-cut-out-business-cards

I must go back to my books.
Last week somebody wanted to see my book How to get out of the mess you're in.
Last night somebody wanted a copy of my club history: The History of Harrovian Speakers.

I want a really unusual, distinctive business card, such as one which pops open like a miniature greeting card. Maybe I'll have to print it and make it myself. Make a pop up greeting card, print the outline small. Add a tag or photo of myself - cut round the head outline, and make it pop up.

Do Not Resuscitate? The implication is ....

'Do not resuscitate' Is this placed automatically on the over 60s? If so, what is the point of going into hospital or staying in hospital? You are better off using a private hospital. Or hiring a private nurse. Or training all your family in first aid.

Most elderly people would rather die at home. They know how to operate the TV.

The next of kin should be given information on
a) Their right to leave hospital.

b) Who should be informed - i.e. hospital and social services.

c) Every person leaving and entering hospital should be checked in and out, directed to the right place.

d) If there is a car parking charge, somebody should be on duty to give change, inform visitors of opening times (to save wasted journeys), prevent non hospital visitors from entering - if the place is busy - if not why not, give them forms on how to donate money immediately, write the hospital into their will, or sign organ donation forms. Those eligible for free parking should be given forms or instructions on how to obtain forms.

e) Nil by mouth or do not resuscitate - next of kin should be informed.

f) Secondary next of kin (children) should also be consulted, especially of the spouse of an elderly person is also elderly and cannot grasp the significance of what they are consenting to.

g) Deprive somebody of water, food and sleep and they will feel so miserable and depressed that they want to die. This does not mean they should be allowed to die. If an attempted suicide is brought in you attempt to save them. The same help should be given for a person who has not had sufficient food, water and sleep.

h) Nobody should be left facing a blank wall.

i) Nobody should lie on their back with eyes open, unshielded, dazzled and blinded by an overhead spotlight.

j) A person who is not receiving food or water (e.g. with Nil By Mouth) should
a) be placed on a drip
b) their next of kin should be informed.

Do as you would be done by. But remember, other people's views may not be the same as yours.

The Missing Guest - what to do at a birthday party or wedding

I read a story in the Daily Mail about a parent who received an invoice for the cost of a small child being a no show at another child's ski slope party.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2916379/Five-year-old-misses-friend-s-birthday-bash-INVOICED-15-95.html

Nowadays it's the fashion to invite everybody in the class so nobody feels left out. If somebody doesn't arrive, the host / birthday child might feel rejected.

Some people are sticklers for making decisions and sticking to them. Others are not.

Old fashioned etiquette says that you must reply in writing. You must attend on first come first served basis, even if you get a better offer, unless you are ill. You must send a gift, even if you cannot attend because the host had the goodwill to spend on inviting you, and you must reciprocate by spending an equal amount on the gift, even if you are unable to turn up for the food. At a wedding, the bride's parents would have received a gift from every person invited, and those unable to attend are sent a piece of wedding cake.

In the case of a children's party, similarly, a child unable to attend due to last minute illness, would deliver the card and gift. In return receive a take home gift bag.

Strictly speaking you should still send a gift even if you cannot attend. If the host really cares about the missing guest, who is a close friend, instead of assuming the guest hasn't bothered to turn up, they will call the missing guest to ask, 'Are you OK'.

You do end up being out of pocket for no shows at events and big parties which are catered.  It is such a shame to sit at a wedding with an empty chair beside you. Or to look at an empty table - that the hosts have paid money for.

Even small parties cost money. If you order a big pizza for ten and only five people want to eat it.

Nowadays venues and caterers charge you for the numbers you specify. The host was peeved because she suffered triply, the embarrassment of the rejection of the host and the birthday child by the empty place, the lack of a party gift, and the cost of the usually non refundable catering.

The no show guests at restaurants, and parties, feel outraged at the idea of spending the money, which was equal to the outrage the venue and hostess felt at spending the money and saving places for no shows.

My view is that you are spending the money on a party to create goodwill. Both parents, host and guest, should have thought it was worthwhile covering the cost in order to create a pleasant atmosphere for their children at school.

I hope that maybe in later life the two children will get together again and happily resume their friendship, forgetting the rift caused by parents. That has happened twice in my family.

In one case second cousins married. Their parents were cousins. The cousins' parents,  separated after their parents, (the bride and groom's grandparents), brother and sister, fell out over a will.

On another occasion with a happy outcome, I had not written to a good friend, a Japanese friend. She did not take umbrage. She did not get angry with me for not writing. She knew I felt warmly towards her and wrote saying she was anxious because she had not heard from me and wanted to know if everything was all right.

I replied thanking her and apologising and explaining that my mother had died and so I had been very busy arranging the funeral and looking after my father - and as an only child I had to make all the arrangements. (In addition I had not wanted to send her the bad news. But to write a jolly letter and not say your parent is difficult, as well as looking heartless.) She wrote back sympathising.  I was very pleased to hear from her, and contrasted her action with the attitude of others.

I would like to end on a happier note, for the benefit of my reader, whether that's a friend, a 'friend I have not yet met', or myself at a later date.

I recall an incident when I lined up to get a piece of chocolate from a seller who was giving away pieces from large bars to tempt potential customers to buy. I could see the number of pieces going free getting smaller and smaller. I was delighted to get the last piece.

The person behind me in the queue said to me, angrily, 'You took the last piece!'

I was astonished at her reaction. Yes, if I'd been the person to miss out I'd also have been disappointed. But you can't blame the person ahead.

I didn't want to eat it in front of her, so I walked off. Out of sight, I thought about this. I was going to be spending the next three days at a conference trying to avoid her. I had spent well over a hundred pounds on a conference hoping to make friends and have a happy time. I had made an enemy and was unhappy and was going to continue to be unhappy for several days. Really - how much was the chocolate worth - one chunk from a bar of 10 costing between £1 and £3, total 10-30p. If I could donate a maximum of 30p to somebody and restore my happiness and theirs it was worth it.

I thought, I want a piece of the chocolate. I can give her the free piece and buy myself a whole bar. If it comes to that, I can eat my free piece, reward the company buy buying their chocolate, then give her a fresh piece from the bar.

But would she then get over her hostility to me? I assumed she would. I said to her, 'Sorry I took the last piece and you didn't get any - but what were you expecting me to do?'

She said, 'Divide it.'

I thought, that's absurd. Th chocolate bars are already made into chunks. The chunks are too big and solid to divide unless you have a knife. She wasn't a special friend expecting to spend the next half hour talking to me and eating with me and sharing food and drink.

I said to her, 'It's too small and hard to divide, but if I buy a chocolate bar and give you a piece will that make you happy?'

'No!' she snapped.

Years later I met her again, on a happy occasion. I chatted happily to others, and felt obliged to speak cordially to her. I don't know whether she had forgotten or forgiven, or was upset at so many things in life that mine was one of many and was less dramatic to her than it was to me. Or did she not remember me? I'll never know because I'll never raise the subject again. All I know is that I tried to make amends and be friends. And we are now friends.

If you had a choice of having enemies or friends, which would you prefer? Most people would prefer friends.

Waiting Lists
At the same time, guests sometimes turn up with friends or relatives uninvited. I think the same should be done as at restaurants. Guests are given a 15 minute window for delayed traffic. After fifteen minutes you either call the venue/host to say you are running late but definitely arriving. If you do not send a message, your place is given to somebody on the waiting list.

Some people may be willing to arrive unannouced, or to be on a waiting list and rush from home or nearby if a place becomes available.

Cutting superfluous words for a short story competition with word limit

My first draft for an 800 word short story was 1600 words. So I have to cut half the words in every sentence. Or cut every other sentence. Some of each.

What can I cut? She could see becomes she saw.

The college had taught her becomes the college taught her.

She tried to dance becomes she danced.
She watched him seal becomes he walked.
Asking for money becomes requested money.
She was sure she had lost him becomes she had lost him.
Too expensive becomes expensive.

He did a jig becomes he jigged. She faced away from becomes she ignored.
From the top becomes from above.
She looked around for a waste bin becomes she looked for a bin.

The cutting of words loses no sense but makes the writing better, more succinct and taut.

I changed she was sure he would ask for money to would he ask for money. I saved three words in eight. I left even more doubt in the reader's mind. More doubt, more questions, means more tension. the story is a whodunnit - a story which makes the reader keep reading to find out the answer.

The commuters becomes commuters. The indicates we have met them before or that they are important. Here the word the is not necessary.

At least by good luck becomes luckily.

I can help you with that becomes I can help, or I'll help you.

People smiled at them becomes people smiled.

What's the best lesson you ever learned? Rulers to smarten up handwriting

The question asked on the agenda by the Toastmaster of the Evening at Harrovians Toastmasters:

What's the best lesson you ever learned?

The best practical lesson I learned was:

Use a ruler to keep your freehand writing straight whilst hand writing, eg on an envelope.

At school we had been taught to draw a pencil line and then write on it. But you waste time erasing the line and might smudge your writing or erase some of it. You still risk drawing letters with wonky undersides. The ruler used whilst writing keeps your writing in place. However, if you are drawing letters with hanging parts, such as the lower case letter g, you have to go back and add these. Taking extra care is important for a VIP letter such as a job application, or letter to an old friend or a special occasion such as a birthday card, when you want everything to look perfect.

Food Art - from a football cake to seasides and forests

Authors are creative and cooks are creative, or they need to be nowadays. When I first discovered The Art Of Speed-Reading People, my favourite book, I realised why I a better at decorating a cake than making a cake. I am an ENFP, a typical teacher, writer, journalist. Maybe you are one, or know one. If you see a woman in ballooning clothes in bright colours, chances are she is an extravert.

E for Extravert - interested in the outside world and other people.,

N for Intuitive (absent minded professor type who lives more in the past and future and prefers reading a cookery book and collecting cookery books to actually making a cake.

F - typical woman, feeler, makes judgements based on feelings rather than facts.

P - procrastinator, likes to gather all the facts, before making a decision. Hates to be committed to dates.

That brings me to my pictures. Most interested in food which looks interesting.

The more elaborate the food is, the more admirable. I like to learn new skills. I also seek practical ideas I can copy.

What could I and you copy from these pictures? Lettuce leaves upright as trees. Celery upright as trees. Broccoli as grass. Cheese blocks as cliffs.

http://www.foodnetwork.co.uk/article/28-fascinating-food-art-photos.html

Looking in Waitrose supermarket, I saw these birthday cakes. If you decide you simply want to admire cakes, you can find them ready made.