I won a ribbon at Harrovians Toastmasters for an impromptu answer to the question, ‘Which animal would you like to be?"
A poodle. It has the best haircut. The cutest clothes. Bigger dogs follow it home. I’m sure it has lots of fun.
It’s loved. And pampered.
It gets made every meal. And it even gets doggy bags. I love doggy bags. I could live on doggy bags.
The only problem with being a poodle is that it doesn’t live as long as humans. So I would have to go to India where the Hindus believe in reincarnation. I don’t know if they believe animals are reincarnated as humans, but if humans can be downgraded to animals I’m sure animals can be upgraded to humans. So I’d be upgraded from a poodle to a turtle so that I could live a hundred years. Then if I were a good turtle, and, of course, I’d be a very good turtle, I’d be reincarnated back to the person I am now, Angela - who would like to be a poodle.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Minimalist and Hoarder - which are you? A Poem.
verse 879
Michael the Minimalist and Hazel hoarder
version 1
by Angela Lansbury
You’ve heard of Jack who ate no fat
Who had a wife who ate no lean
I’ve brought this story up to date
The throw away and hoarder scene.
Things went so well when first they kissed
Because one was an optimist
The other was a pessimist
But neither was a realist.
Though opposites at first attract
Once married it’s hard to turn back
At first it’s fun, the other’s strange
Until you try to rearrange.
You’ll recognize minimalist
Whose wife liked to collect and hoard
At first the clutter fascinates
But very soon the guy got bored.
His great skill was making order
He loved to throw old things away
And each day she bought more and more
And each day he threw things away.
One calendar hung on his wall
One notebook sat upon his desk
An office, not a home at all
I hardly dare to tell the rest.
She filled the wall with ancestors
Documents and family trees
He liked the future, she loved the past
And neither of them felt at ease.
She liked the bathroom carpeted
Cosy and pink, it deadens sound
He liked grey granite, nothing pink
Hard, solid, quick to sweep around.
Her bedroom gave her great pleasure
She filled it with her piled treasures
So full that you could not get in -
His room’s sole decor was the bin.
She said that if she had a choice
She’d ride in a grand, smart Rolls Royce
She kept old things to recycle
He went off cycling on a bicycle.
He liked to trek, he liked to camp
She said that it was cold and damp
He liked a small, one star motel
She liked a big five star hotel.
Through changing health and changing wealth
Changing jobs and changing weather
What puzzles them and puzzles me
Is why they’re both - still together.
If you know, tell me - I suspect
Her life’s main aim is to collect
But he can’t leave until the day
When he has thrown it all away.
He needs a woman who’s like him
Grim-faced and extremely thin
She doesn’t need a wedding ring
She doesn’t own a single thing.
She, the one who likes collections,
Needs others who are like herself
The millionaires who build spare rooms
And poor craftsmen to build her shelves.
-ends-
copyright Angela Lansbury Jan 2010
Written in fond memory of all the stuff in the wheelie bin.
Angela writes poems to order for weddings, speeches, or business.
For fun buy her poetry books on lulu.com and / or join her facebook friends - on fans of angela lansbury author.
Michael the Minimalist and Hazel hoarder
version 1
by Angela Lansbury
You’ve heard of Jack who ate no fat
Who had a wife who ate no lean
I’ve brought this story up to date
The throw away and hoarder scene.
Things went so well when first they kissed
Because one was an optimist
The other was a pessimist
But neither was a realist.
Though opposites at first attract
Once married it’s hard to turn back
At first it’s fun, the other’s strange
Until you try to rearrange.
You’ll recognize minimalist
Whose wife liked to collect and hoard
At first the clutter fascinates
But very soon the guy got bored.
His great skill was making order
He loved to throw old things away
And each day she bought more and more
And each day he threw things away.
One calendar hung on his wall
One notebook sat upon his desk
An office, not a home at all
I hardly dare to tell the rest.
She filled the wall with ancestors
Documents and family trees
He liked the future, she loved the past
And neither of them felt at ease.
She liked the bathroom carpeted
Cosy and pink, it deadens sound
He liked grey granite, nothing pink
Hard, solid, quick to sweep around.
Her bedroom gave her great pleasure
She filled it with her piled treasures
So full that you could not get in -
His room’s sole decor was the bin.
She said that if she had a choice
She’d ride in a grand, smart Rolls Royce
She kept old things to recycle
He went off cycling on a bicycle.
He liked to trek, he liked to camp
She said that it was cold and damp
He liked a small, one star motel
She liked a big five star hotel.
Through changing health and changing wealth
Changing jobs and changing weather
What puzzles them and puzzles me
Is why they’re both - still together.
If you know, tell me - I suspect
Her life’s main aim is to collect
But he can’t leave until the day
When he has thrown it all away.
He needs a woman who’s like him
Grim-faced and extremely thin
She doesn’t need a wedding ring
She doesn’t own a single thing.
She, the one who likes collections,
Needs others who are like herself
The millionaires who build spare rooms
And poor craftsmen to build her shelves.
-ends-
copyright Angela Lansbury Jan 2010
Written in fond memory of all the stuff in the wheelie bin.
Angela writes poems to order for weddings, speeches, or business.
For fun buy her poetry books on lulu.com and / or join her facebook friends - on fans of angela lansbury author.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Cafe Display pricing and consumer protection
If you follow my reviews on trustedplaces.com you will know what I am complaining about.
A display of patisserie shows the take away price. The eat in price is different.
At one place we were shocked and upset to get a bill which was higher than expected.
The manager came to explain and apologise. The eat in price was on the menu. But we hadn't been shown a menu.
I mentioned consumer rights and we were later offered a full refund. However, he who paid rejected this.
(He's not that poor - he can afford the price of what he ordered - but objects on principle being asked to pay more - son had hysterics when he heard this and said we should be writing comedy. I am.)
He who pays didn't even want the 'overcharge' - all he wanted was that they change the signage. (Me - I'd have taken the money!)
Mr Grumpy gets home and writes to head office. He is offered a voucher for a free meal which can be used here (we'll see if they change the sign) or at another restaurant. Yes, we will go back and try another one in the group.
It's a problem at many places I'm sure. Meanwhile, still upset, I go on line looking for the website of Trading Standards and then the Consumers' Association - I fill in a form - trying to avoid mentioning the actual cafe - I'm not the sort who goes to court or makes a fuss - but consumers association phone me up. They refer me to the Consumers' Protection Act of 2008. Interestingly this refers to three different kinds of problem. These include failure to mention extra charges. If you are interested, check it out yourself.
I shall attach a picture of another restaurant which has shown both prices. In my opinion this is how it should be done.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Profiles, accommodation and updates
I'm amazed how many people think they can email or text for months on end and you will still be as free and keen as you were six months earlier.
Take the average woman on a web dating site. Imagine you are her.
You are free tonight or next weekend. You contact two people. No replies.
You wait 24 hours. You try again. Friday night comes. You get 'out of town' messages, an illiterate letter from a guy who is out of work or lives in south america and wants to move in and marry you. A cripple with a dying wife and handicapped daughter wants you to dance in the nude. A man who has not read your profile says you are exactly what he wants and he wants your bank account details and money. A soldier in a bunker in a country which he cannot specify dreams of you and expect to be home in two years time. You get desperate and send to twenty more.
Half an hour later twenty more. At this point you give up.
Suddenly along comes Harry. He writes a long letter and is very keen. Sounds perfect. He can only meet you at 5 on Monday. Okay five it is. Sorry, he can't make it. He's just been offered a job in Timbuk-too. Oh, well.
Meanwhile Mr wonderful from the gym is taking you out to dinner and is about to move in.
Hello, there - here's Harry again, six months later. He wants to meet Monday. He's still single and thinks you are too. You had a row with Gym who threatens to move out.
So you go to meet Harry. He thinks you will invite him back to your place, never bothering to enquire whether your home is free. Too much too soon. It so happens Gym is going on holiday or moving out next weekend. But Harry keeps sliding his hand up your leg and you sharply tell him to stop and goodbye.
What did Harry do wrong?
Surprise, surprise, Harry keeps sending you follow-up emails. He thinks he can re-appear and try again about a six month gap. He calls you darling and delicious. You're not sure whether he remembers you or not. You've now moved on to Sandy.
Pete cancelled a date. Half an hour before deadline. You'd told family and friends you were going out, cancelled a meeting and another man. Spent money on a new dress. He's now sending texts saying he dreams of you. As far as you are concerned he's the stuff of nightmares. You think of a long reply but it's not worth wasting another half hour on him writing a letter.
Here's a Dear John letter:
Dear John
Thank you for the offer but as it stands that is not possible. Sorry, not into one night stands with strangers, I don't know you. It's a security risk.
Besides I cannot accommodate. My family are in residence with me so neither you nor they would like it.
Should you ever be in a position to take me out to dinner in the hope that we hit it off longterm, then I will meet you for dinner. If you can then accommodate at your place or in a hotel, that would be a possibility.> --------------------------------------------Hope you find whatever you are looking for
Meanwhile, Gym wants you back. He just cooked you dinner. Harry and John have emailed. And would you believe it, too late cancelled date Wayne and here I am been thinking of you fir five years Philip. They missed their chance. You are too busy ....
I often read advice from the people who I think should know better. They advise you to email for months, weeks on end, to be sure you know all about a person. Frankly, that gives them plenty of time to put their foot in it, reveal their poor health, worst nightmares, lack of finance, silly mistakes, bad jokes, and you'll be off dating somebody else.
And what's the worst advice? Send a girl a picture of yourself in a cemetery. Oh, yes? On the day that the headlines scream, Internet date girl found dead in forest/pond/whatever, after dating man obsessed with guns, Nazi memorabilia and images of death, the national newspaper thinks that its readers will be nervous about internet dating but doesn't think she will be shy of a guy who poses next to a gun or tombstone. Wild and exciting might excite the sixteen year old who is too young to do internet dating anyway. But for the legions of divorced and widowed that tombstone picture is the kiss of death to getting a date.
What is the most important thing? The smile. The face with a smile.
Friendly and reliable.
Slightly better than average. Not too rich and fussy, not too poor and troublesome, not boring and average, just slightly better than average, not indecisive, but very clear about limits, Flexible. Not needing accommodation instantly. Giving rather than taking. But no conditional bargains.
With a definite date and a promise that he can keep.
Take the average woman on a web dating site. Imagine you are her.
You are free tonight or next weekend. You contact two people. No replies.
You wait 24 hours. You try again. Friday night comes. You get 'out of town' messages, an illiterate letter from a guy who is out of work or lives in south america and wants to move in and marry you. A cripple with a dying wife and handicapped daughter wants you to dance in the nude. A man who has not read your profile says you are exactly what he wants and he wants your bank account details and money. A soldier in a bunker in a country which he cannot specify dreams of you and expect to be home in two years time. You get desperate and send to twenty more.
Half an hour later twenty more. At this point you give up.
Suddenly along comes Harry. He writes a long letter and is very keen. Sounds perfect. He can only meet you at 5 on Monday. Okay five it is. Sorry, he can't make it. He's just been offered a job in Timbuk-too. Oh, well.
Meanwhile Mr wonderful from the gym is taking you out to dinner and is about to move in.
Hello, there - here's Harry again, six months later. He wants to meet Monday. He's still single and thinks you are too. You had a row with Gym who threatens to move out.
So you go to meet Harry. He thinks you will invite him back to your place, never bothering to enquire whether your home is free. Too much too soon. It so happens Gym is going on holiday or moving out next weekend. But Harry keeps sliding his hand up your leg and you sharply tell him to stop and goodbye.
What did Harry do wrong?
Surprise, surprise, Harry keeps sending you follow-up emails. He thinks he can re-appear and try again about a six month gap. He calls you darling and delicious. You're not sure whether he remembers you or not. You've now moved on to Sandy.
Pete cancelled a date. Half an hour before deadline. You'd told family and friends you were going out, cancelled a meeting and another man. Spent money on a new dress. He's now sending texts saying he dreams of you. As far as you are concerned he's the stuff of nightmares. You think of a long reply but it's not worth wasting another half hour on him writing a letter.
Here's a Dear John letter:
Dear John
Thank you for the offer but as it stands that is not possible. Sorry, not into one night stands with strangers, I don't know you. It's a security risk.
Besides I cannot accommodate. My family are in residence with me so neither you nor they would like it.
Should you ever be in a position to take me out to dinner in the hope that we hit it off longterm, then I will meet you for dinner. If you can then accommodate at your place or in a hotel, that would be a possibility.> --------------------------------------------Hope you find whatever you are looking for
Meanwhile, Gym wants you back. He just cooked you dinner. Harry and John have emailed. And would you believe it, too late cancelled date Wayne and here I am been thinking of you fir five years Philip. They missed their chance. You are too busy ....
I often read advice from the people who I think should know better. They advise you to email for months, weeks on end, to be sure you know all about a person. Frankly, that gives them plenty of time to put their foot in it, reveal their poor health, worst nightmares, lack of finance, silly mistakes, bad jokes, and you'll be off dating somebody else.
And what's the worst advice? Send a girl a picture of yourself in a cemetery. Oh, yes? On the day that the headlines scream, Internet date girl found dead in forest/pond/whatever, after dating man obsessed with guns, Nazi memorabilia and images of death, the national newspaper thinks that its readers will be nervous about internet dating but doesn't think she will be shy of a guy who poses next to a gun or tombstone. Wild and exciting might excite the sixteen year old who is too young to do internet dating anyway. But for the legions of divorced and widowed that tombstone picture is the kiss of death to getting a date.
What is the most important thing? The smile. The face with a smile.
Friendly and reliable.
Slightly better than average. Not too rich and fussy, not too poor and troublesome, not boring and average, just slightly better than average, not indecisive, but very clear about limits, Flexible. Not needing accommodation instantly. Giving rather than taking. But no conditional bargains.
With a definite date and a promise that he can keep.
Artistic help from beginners to professionals
I've searched through four big suppliers of art and craft guides and materials and here are my favourites:
1 Hay on Wye - art shops in the mall at the top of the car park.
The art shop lady is most helpful. She sold me a box of round edged postcards. She pointed out that the box is half full of a piece of foam but I still wanted the round edged blank postcards.
Almost next door is a shop where the artist gives lessons if you have an hour,or half an hour to spare. I stopped there just before catching the coach home so only had time to buy a signed copy of his book on cartooning.
The Derwent manga kit contained a picture to copy and a pencil for the drawing and four coloured pencils which turn into paints if you dip them into water or paint water over them afterwards.
2 W H Smith (Brent Cross and many other branches.
Lots of sets or paints and crayon paints aimed at children and artists and a rummage box of half sets and broken packaging.
I spent a lot of time looking at paints and made friends with an art teacher and illustrator who was also browsing and buying.
3 Hobbycraft, Watford, and many other branches.
Lots of free leaflets which give instructions and tell you what to buy. For example, the one on jewellery making not only tells you how to make jewellery but gives you the technical terms so if you have a broken necklace you can see what kind of pliers you need and what they call the spacer beads and little tips - like using nail varnish to make the end of thread go through a bead, and tying knots between beads so that if the necklace breaks you don't lose all the beads around the room or down the nearest drain.
4 Foyles, Tottenham Court Road, and there's another branch in the Westfield Shopping Mall which is next to Shepherds Bush underground and overground stations.
I asked for more sets of books and crayons which they did not stock and could not order but they kindly told me about the artists' materials shop Cassart.
5 Cassart
Cassart, walking from Foyles, is on the right as you walk south down Tottenham Court Road, after the tube station just before
Leicester square. They sell a handy little male of female human body about eight inches high. Ironically the larger one is cheaper but they'd sold out. Their flagship larger store is in Islington.
More Information- addresses, tels, websites, information and shopping
www.hobbycraft.co.uk
This blog is 'under construction' so come back later as I add more details of books, websites etc.
Lessons and workshops - English O and A level, creative writing including poetry, crafts, card-making and drawing for fun, caricatures, Photography and how to illustrate your books.
One hour lesson in Hatch End, Singapore or on line.
For friendship, business, advice and lessons call or email annalondon8@gmail.com
1 Hay on Wye - art shops in the mall at the top of the car park.
The art shop lady is most helpful. She sold me a box of round edged postcards. She pointed out that the box is half full of a piece of foam but I still wanted the round edged blank postcards.
Almost next door is a shop where the artist gives lessons if you have an hour,or half an hour to spare. I stopped there just before catching the coach home so only had time to buy a signed copy of his book on cartooning.
The Derwent manga kit contained a picture to copy and a pencil for the drawing and four coloured pencils which turn into paints if you dip them into water or paint water over them afterwards.
2 W H Smith (Brent Cross and many other branches.
Lots of sets or paints and crayon paints aimed at children and artists and a rummage box of half sets and broken packaging.
I spent a lot of time looking at paints and made friends with an art teacher and illustrator who was also browsing and buying.
3 Hobbycraft, Watford, and many other branches.
Lots of free leaflets which give instructions and tell you what to buy. For example, the one on jewellery making not only tells you how to make jewellery but gives you the technical terms so if you have a broken necklace you can see what kind of pliers you need and what they call the spacer beads and little tips - like using nail varnish to make the end of thread go through a bead, and tying knots between beads so that if the necklace breaks you don't lose all the beads around the room or down the nearest drain.
4 Foyles, Tottenham Court Road, and there's another branch in the Westfield Shopping Mall which is next to Shepherds Bush underground and overground stations.
I asked for more sets of books and crayons which they did not stock and could not order but they kindly told me about the artists' materials shop Cassart.
5 Cassart
Cassart, walking from Foyles, is on the right as you walk south down Tottenham Court Road, after the tube station just before
Leicester square. They sell a handy little male of female human body about eight inches high. Ironically the larger one is cheaper but they'd sold out. Their flagship larger store is in Islington.
More Information- addresses, tels, websites, information and shopping
www.hobbycraft.co.uk
This blog is 'under construction' so come back later as I add more details of books, websites etc.
Lessons and workshops - English O and A level, creative writing including poetry, crafts, card-making and drawing for fun, caricatures, Photography and how to illustrate your books.
One hour lesson in Hatch End, Singapore or on line.
For friendship, business, advice and lessons call or email annalondon8@gmail.com
Keeping Happy
Somebody on askpedia wanted advice on preventing negative thoughts and dreams.
Many best-selling books cover this subject and you can buy them second-hand or read contents and summaries and chapter headings.
The main suggestions are:
1 Play jolly background music or tune the radio to happy talk shows. Watch comedy on TV.
2 Write a note of blessings, successes and ambitions and achievable goals and put it visible by your desk.
3 Count blessings before you sleep - and write them on a pad beside your bed.
4 Stick up a smiley photo of a living friend. Have more photos of the living and friends and family than of the dead and strangers.
5 Exercise or walk every day. Or dance. Keep busy.
6 See or phone a jolly friend. Praise them. Thank them. Make them laugh.
7 Get enough sleep - 8 hours, or nap mid-afternoon.
8 Eat proper food - protein (meat, fish, cheese, eggs, if veg beans etc) and vegetables. Avoid junk food, sugary drinks, and bars which have sugars which give you a high followed by a low.
9 Change subjects if friends are negative or limit problems to 1/3 of each 15 minutes.
10 Be your own counsellor. Pretend you are a teacher. Look at your house and lifestyle and give yourself advice. Write it down and follow it.
Many best-selling books cover this subject and you can buy them second-hand or read contents and summaries and chapter headings.
The main suggestions are:
1 Play jolly background music or tune the radio to happy talk shows. Watch comedy on TV.
2 Write a note of blessings, successes and ambitions and achievable goals and put it visible by your desk.
3 Count blessings before you sleep - and write them on a pad beside your bed.
4 Stick up a smiley photo of a living friend. Have more photos of the living and friends and family than of the dead and strangers.
5 Exercise or walk every day. Or dance. Keep busy.
6 See or phone a jolly friend. Praise them. Thank them. Make them laugh.
7 Get enough sleep - 8 hours, or nap mid-afternoon.
8 Eat proper food - protein (meat, fish, cheese, eggs, if veg beans etc) and vegetables. Avoid junk food, sugary drinks, and bars which have sugars which give you a high followed by a low.
9 Change subjects if friends are negative or limit problems to 1/3 of each 15 minutes.
10 Be your own counsellor. Pretend you are a teacher. Look at your house and lifestyle and give yourself advice. Write it down and follow it.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
POEMS EXAMPLES & HOW TO WRITE & ILLUSTRATE
Verse 866 Word Portrait of Keith
by Angela Lansbury
(version 6)
Tall. Tee-shirt’s creased and hanging out
He works unseen - he’s not a lout
With brains as sharp as you and me
Quiet. Eats well. Well paid - I.T.
His conversation’s very smart.
A family man - a good heart.
To see his skills is not so hard -
Trust me, dear friends, he wins at cards.
-ends-
1 CARICATURES
I am also drawing caricatures to go with poems.
See caricatures on my blog angelalansburyauthor diary
2 POEMS
See more poems by Angela in Angela Lansbury's poetry books on lulu.com
Seriously Funny Poems (Poetry illustrated with clipart cartoons)
Writing poetry for fun with Angela (An abc of Examples of poetry for anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas cards, Valentine's Day and so on)
Poetry Workshop Workbook
Examples of poems from A to V acrostics to villanelles with a dictionary of forms at the back and grids for writing your own - handy for schoolchildren, parents, grandparents, teachers and armchair poets.
c) POEMS TO ORDER
Want a poem? Need advice? Just write and ask me.
d) LESSONS
I am a trained teacher, Grammar school UK, taught English as a Foreign Language in four schools, three private crammers and in a prestigious state school in Singapore.
One hour lessons for O level, A level, and adults' creative writing.
by Angela Lansbury
(version 6)
Tall. Tee-shirt’s creased and hanging out
He works unseen - he’s not a lout
With brains as sharp as you and me
Quiet. Eats well. Well paid - I.T.
His conversation’s very smart.
A family man - a good heart.
To see his skills is not so hard -
Trust me, dear friends, he wins at cards.
-ends-
1 CARICATURES
I am also drawing caricatures to go with poems.
See caricatures on my blog angelalansburyauthor diary
2 POEMS
See more poems by Angela in Angela Lansbury's poetry books on lulu.com
Seriously Funny Poems (Poetry illustrated with clipart cartoons)
Writing poetry for fun with Angela (An abc of Examples of poetry for anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas cards, Valentine's Day and so on)
Poetry Workshop Workbook
Examples of poems from A to V acrostics to villanelles with a dictionary of forms at the back and grids for writing your own - handy for schoolchildren, parents, grandparents, teachers and armchair poets.
c) POEMS TO ORDER
Want a poem? Need advice? Just write and ask me.
d) LESSONS
I am a trained teacher, Grammar school UK, taught English as a Foreign Language in four schools, three private crammers and in a prestigious state school in Singapore.
One hour lessons for O level, A level, and adults' creative writing.
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