Saturday, August 13, 2011

'Do as I do' - What people think and do and say

by Angela Lansbury


The Majority Of People (British People)

People do not want to hear that they are wrong. They want to hear that they are right.

They do not want to hear that they are ugly. They want to hear that they are beautiful.

They do not want to hear complaints. They want to hear praise.

They do not want to hear that you disagree. They want to hear that you agree.

They do not want to hear that you despise them. They want to hear that you admire and respect them.

They do not want to hear that their admirer and fan is an incompetent idiot. They want to hear that their rival is brilliant, but they are even better.

They do not want to hear I told you so. You never listen. You never learn.

If you say ‘you always’ the phrase should be followed by a compliment.

They are easily depressed and discouraged. Just say ‘you can’t’ and they will give up.

They are easily encouraged. Just say ‘you can’ three times and they will act.

People are not rational. They are unreasonably optimistic. They don’t think they will get caught for wrongdoing. They believe they will win the lottery.

People who are accident-prone and careless blame everything except themselves. They don’t think about science and cause and effect and that life is under their control. They think that they are just unlucky if they have an accident. They won’t avoid walking under ladders in case a ladder falls. They will avoid it because it is ‘unlucky’.

They will not avoid breaking mirrors because mirrors are expensive and make a dreadful mess when broken. But tell them they risk seven years bad luck and they will take care.

They identify with and support the loser and the underdog.

They are jealous of the winners. (Evil eyes.)


The Miniority

A small minority

This includes the Chinese who live in large families and compete to get ahead (kiasu).

When you tell them that they will never amount to anything that spurs them to work harder and get ahead.


Introverts (From my observation of Trevor.)

They do what they like. They are self-motivated. They think you cannot inspire others. They do not bother encouraging others because, they say, ‘motivation has to come from within’.

They like to train others. But they see no point in attending any kind of course or counselling because they are above average IQ and can research everything they need from books and the internet.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Route Planning Map & Directions

The RAC route planner site aerial view is good because it shows the kind of terrain, such as shops or woods.
I would like:
1) Clear indication of time travelled.
2) Clear list of directions like satnav as if from a passenger eg, a) Pass Paines Laine on your left, b) Passing park with trees and playground, signal turning left now, c) Turn left into two-lane Waxwell Lane.
3) I want landmarks I'll pass to know I'm on right route, eg, pass petrol station on left.
4) Aerial view shows rooftops but I want to see what I'm looking for when driving as on Google street maps eg the building's sign and front door, two storey frontage and style (eg black and white building, gabled timber building, brick building block of art deco flats with green tiled roof, or car park entrance.
5) I want directions for parking on arrival.
Is it yellow lines, nearest pay car park, or what?

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Paper Pencil mystery solved

I ordered through e-bay (highly recommended way of buying) a roll-up pencil case. (I just bought one in an art shop in Hay-on-Wye, about £6.75, empty, to hold and sort handbags and pencils and provide quick visual access to the pencil I'm seeking.) The case I ordered on line was a pretty blue, which I prefer to the brown ones by Derwent, and the cream one I just bought in the Hay art shop. Different colour cases make it easier for me to find the case with different contents, such as pencils to do the basic portrait outline sketch, watercolour pencils for colouring the portrait's hair, clothes, and eyes, a third set of pink and brown colours for face complexion shades ranging from Caucasian pinks through all the shades of brown, plus lips. The pencil case holder set I bought on line has assorted pencils included. The set cost only 99 p but the postage was $23. I was shocked at the postage, but when the item arrived, including the contents, I reckoned it was a great deal and hoped the seller had made sufficient profit from the combination of low bid selling price and higher postage.

However, the items were a mystery. Three white stumpy items, half the length of pencils, with rounded ends, stumpier and fatter than pencils. Larger girth.

My first thought was that they were erasers. No. Too solid.

White tips. So can't write on white paper.

Were they for writing on black paper? No, too hard - would scrape paper.

Back to my records of orders - ebay is so handy. Everything I've bought for the past three years is listed. So I could answer an admirer's question, 'Where did you get that hat!' I could re-or order another of the same item in a different colour, if the seller is an online shop, not just an individual selling odd secondhand items.

I checked the seller's specification list. I discovered my pencil holder is designed to be worm around your waist, as if you are standing at an easel.

Back to my original question. What are those white objects? The captions did not run left to right matching the pencils in the case shown in the illustration. However, by process of elimination, I found the words 'paper pencils'.

Usually an internet search reveals all. This time nothing. Lots of sites selling paper and pencils. (Obviously I needed to to specify the combination of the two words. Finding whole phrases is another challenge - which I must add to the revision of the draft of my forthcoming book (of which I have a 'dry run' of 50 copies, available from me, not yet through Lulu.com). Wikipedia and dictionaries don't explain paper pencils.

The sellers of 'paper pencils' don't explain them. But I spot the magic words 'ecologically friendly'. Ah. Light bulb moment.

I wondered, are they paper outside? If so, if they are pencils, where is the part you write with?Are they like other pencils in the set? Do I need to sharpen the tips? Is there a lead centre inside?

They are too stumpy to fit inside the average tiny one hole pencil sharpener. I need to find a big sharpener or use a penknife. But I don't want to damage the pencils.

I've already written to the seller.

The solution - they are for rubbing and spreading or eliminating charcoal or loose, not fixed, coloured paints which can be spread thinly, made into a background or made paler, or spread further. Ah!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Islamic quotation - five matters

Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth, before you become old; and your health, before you fall sick; and your richness, before you become poor; and your free time before you become busy; and your life, before your death.
I shall put this in the revised version of my book Quick Quotations For Successful Speeches.
You can buy the current version from Lulu.com
The lulu.com site also has the cheap, short-run uncorrected first edition of my latest how to book: How to Get Out Of The Mess You're In.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Folding A Tee-Shirt

I did a demo of stuffing a duvet into a duvet cover by turning it inside out, for my talk rehearsal at Harrovians Speakers (a branch of Toastmasters International). I used a small cushion and cushion cover for the demonstration.
Now I'm practising folding a tee-shirt and folding a fitted sheet.
My book How To Get Out Of The Mess You're In is in draft form on Lulu.com
As soon as I have received a copy and proof-read it and authorised distribution everybody will be able to buy it on Lulu.com and amazon and everywhere.

How to Fold a Fitted Sheet Like a Pro

I
I'm researching for a talk to a Townswomen's Guild on
How To Get Out Of The Mess You're In.
My book is in the draft form on Lulu.com
Go to Lulu.com Angela Lansbury and you'll find my book.
As soon as I have seen the first copy if it's correct I'll authorise it for distribution.
If it's not correct, I'll do a second printing and about a week later when I get the new copy to check I'll authorise that.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Testimonials For My Photography

Two testimonials for my photographic skills in 24 hours:

Wow Thanks! Your camera makes me look good!

Must be some sort of "enhance me" mode.

S-S Singapore.


Thank you Angela. It is a great photo (I don't usually like myself in photos!)


Love R.V.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Book Festival Tips

A Hay Book Festival devotee is the leader and organiser of my local book group. She goes every year. From her I learned that the Daily Telegraph which sponsors the event also gives daily accounts of the events so that even if you were unable to buy tickets you can read about the excitements and controversies - such as two panellists, historians or novelists, who disagree vehemently, or audiences who applaud, jeer, boo or simply walk out.

This year, my first I did not bother picking up the newspaper, even when it was free or was paid for but came with a free gift, thinking I had enough to carry with all the books, and more than enough to read, and would pick it up later. Next year I shall make a point of securing a copy every day and reading about all the excitement.

Knowing that most nearby accommodation was booked, we hunted all over Wales for a room and eventually found a lovely gourmet hotel with a leisure centre. However, none of the other guests were going to the book festival. If you stay at a nearby guesthouse the advantage can be that you share a table at breakfast with other festival goers.

Buying on E-bay

I recently discovered the joys of buying on ebay and the joys of bidding. The tut-tut of losing.

Prices
We sold a three piece suite on ebay for 99p. A bargain. In poor condition. Buyer collects. A local shop bought it.

I've bought bargains on ebay. The postage pushes up prices.

I see dresses and sometimes email the seller. How long is it? eg 48 ins (knee length), 51 ins (mid calf). Pull on or zip up? Shift or bust darts?Fitted, elasticated, stretch material? Wash or dry clean only?

So far I've been lucky and I've always given positive feedback.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Why Go To Hay On Wye Book Festival?


The charming Welsh village of Hay on Wye has a castle and a clock tower or war memorial (we drove too fast for me to see). Little clothes and book boutiques and tea shops are up and down narrow streets. Our coach had to negotiate a corner carefully.
The loads of bookshops include both secondhand and new books in the castle and cinema. The conversion of huge numbers of empty building into bookshops, made Hay so famous that book villages and book festivals are now all over the world, including South Africa and India.
I've visited Hay several times because a free excursion goes there from the University of Wales, Caerleon campus, if you are booked into the Writers' Holiday (see their website). If you can buy books new and second hand at Hay anyway, and get books signed at Writers' Holiday, what extras do you find at the Festival?
Those who go every year usually book tickets to hear particular authors. I was too late. A fortnight before the date when I planned to attend the fair, tickets for the authors who appealed were already sold out.
So what do you get by going along without buying tickets? Entry is free and you can spend your entertainment budget on buying books. Immediately after their talk the authors do signing in the big bookshop tent. (The whole place is a set of white marquees on a grassy field, linked by an undercover boardwalk, with a couple ofile:///Users/angelasharot/Pictures/iPhoto%20Library/Modified/2009/Hay%20on%20Wye,%20Wales/Image269.jpgf cafes and a toilet block.) The map on the board is a very interesting design, and like computers can probably be interpreted instantly by most children under seven but takes the over fifties two days to decipher. The first day we parked in the main car park near the castle, paying £2.50 to park and £1 each for the shuttle bus. The weather was raining and windy with some cheerful bright spells. My best decisions were flat shoes and a warm hooded jacket. Most people were dressed for a hike rather than a fashion show. What chance is there of talking to an author if you haven' booked any shows? In the shows apparently the audience can be as many as what looks like several hundred people so your chance of even asking a question from the floor are small. I saw the author of a book about Vermeer's hat doing signings. So I bought his book and managed to follow him to the queue to pay for books where I got to ask a question about where he lived. He was a Canadian from Vancouver. Some authors fly in and out the same day. . Apparently a helicopter in and out visitor was comedian Barry Humphries who plays Edna Everage.
So we were told by the couple who had to share out small round table in the coffee and sandwiches area. the secret to beating queues is to buy your drinks and sandwiches nearer noon than one pm. Between 1 and 2 pm an increasingly lively a form of Welsh rugby is played by people using sandwiches as balls and chairs and tables as goals. (In case any of my Mandarin speaking pupils are reading this slowly with the aid of a dictionary, that was a joke.)
So I bought books, lots of books. Couldn't I have done that in a bookshop or shopping centre nearer home?
Apparently this year's dramatic event was not an authors' fight but the peace between Naipaul and another author, arranged by a kind or canny go-between.
Book shopping and shopping for book bric a brac. Bags with the name of the festival were free if you bought a copy of the sponsoring national newspaper, The Telegraph. The bargain was a tee-shirt for a fiver in the Festival ticket box office. Why so cheap? The printing commemorated a previous festival.
You want to know what we bought? A pair of Penguin espresso cups with a penguin in the centre of the saucer and an orange book cover showing the word Black Mischief. Five pounds each cup and saucer set. If I'd had an unlimited budget I'd also have bought a jigsaw of Wales and a deckchair with a Penguin books design and a set of book ends.
The Oxfam stand was doing a bustling trade in books, music CDs (I bought John Denver, Rod Stewart, and pianist Myra Hess. I also liked the postcards of quotations. A stand promoting red squirrels was offering free nibbles of their organic (fruit - berries? and nut?, and cereal? and yogurt?) bars. A drop of whisky or a drop of juice were also given out in tiny quantities in thimbles of the giant see-through variety.
As we passed through Hay again on the shuttle I was sorry to see that the cartoonist shop had gone. I'm glad I had the chance to take a lesson in drawing caricatures while the elderly artist was still there.
We stayed two nights, visiting for a chunk of the morning and afternoon on a Saturday, then the Sunday morning before driving back to London.
The off-motorway route we chose was not the Severn Bridge route I normally follow using the AA and RAC route guides. This time we used both the Michelin guide and satnav. We managed to see a ring of stones like Stonehenge - large numbers of stones, and we stopped for tea at a Brasserie Gerard in Marlborough, a quaint little town.
Wales is so very green in May that we could not resist constantly muttering the book title How Green Was My Valley on the way down. On the way back I was impressed by the way the grey stone buildings had been edged with yellow bricks. So different from redbrick London. Lots of thatch too.
We had been wondering how easy it would be to get accommodation. We drew a circle around the destination of Hay and looked for hotels with Michelin commendations for either accommodation or restaurants.
On the way down on Friday night we stopped at a modernised extension to an old pub. Excellent duck in a 'rissole?' = more like a pate, with pastry edging and a plum or soy or mixture of the two in a sauce. Wonderful.
I asked to see the bedrooms which were modern. Along the bedroom corridor was a series of caricatures of famous people with a caption showing pun on their names which were then illustrated.
Our hotel The Lake was a delight. the lake itself had swans. It was really two or more lakes. The house, a former hunting lodge and spa (all those town called Wells had wells of medicinal water). I swam in the pool and then sat in the outdoor Jacuzzi overlooking the ground. Although the spa bath was outdoors it was just a step out of the gym and was covered by a roof although open-sided and the water was warm. The ladies changing room was convenient with keys in the locks, no messing about looking for a pound coin you don't have.
The Penguin stand had a good though pricey selection of souvenirs.


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Hospital and help

Today's Daily Mail has a story about a dying woman screaming in pain and nobody came to help. A patient on the same ward tried to comfort her and was in court.
My father was dying in Watford General. When I realised his tongue had swollen due to dehydration so he could not speak or eat or drink, I wanted a doctor to put him on a drip.
The nurse on duty phoned the on duty doctor twice. The doctor refused to come to the ward because she could not over-ride the consultant. It was a Friday night and the consultant probably would not be back until Monday.
Shortly afterwards my father died. So the doctor turned up to sign the death certificate, for which she gets paid.
Nobody in hospital with the authority to give drugs or make a decision is around all weekend and most days until your consultant calls.
The consultant is a specialist in one part of the body. So if you are under a consultant for a lung problem you could have another problem and nobody will deal with it.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Divan Express Turkish Take Away, Hatch End

A new metamorphosis of a small cafe which was once called Em's Place, suddenly an excellent addition to Hatch End, the gourmet Mecca of north west London. We tried the humus (chick pea and sesame seed dip), plus some filling falafel (yes more chickpeas fried in a ball - diet starts tomorrow). Our main course was lamb kebab with salad.
We ended indulging in good baklava. Baklava always looks small but like chocolates, a small square of solid sugar or syrup masquerading as something else is all anybody needs. Everything was delicious and seemed fresh and healthy as well as tasty.
The place is linked with two others in Borehamwood. I recommend it for a takeaway or a quick meal with a chatty, obliging owner.
Indoors there's only room for three tables although the six more outside will be in demand in good weather. The decor is brand new mock English beams and much smarter than before.
I should admit that I know the owner (our children were at school together), but I am good at being politely honest. Any drawbacks? Yes, I would love to have some Turkish coffee and coffee will be provided later in the year we hope.
I went in when the place had just opened. Go there fast whilst it's still easy to find a free table. They will soon be doing deliveries in the local area.

Divan Express, 4 Pickwick Walk, Hatch End, Middlesex HA5 4HS, tel:0208 428 4766.
Other branches: Divan Restaurant, 2 Shenley Road, Borehamwood, Herts WD6 IDL, tel 020 8381 5294. The Masa Grill, 49 Shenley Road, Borehamwood, Herts WD6 1AE, tel:020 8905 2881.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Royal Wedding Kate & William

Such a lovely wedding with red carpets to keep clean clothes off the dusted abbey floor contrasting with green trees imported into the abbey interior yesterday. Just like an orthodox Jewish wedding. (Except that the one I attended had trees separating the man and women.) Kate wore a beautiful dress which was form-fitting, but high-necked and elegant.

Her brother read very well, with suitable pauses so you could grasp what he had said and ponder. He is in cake-making.

We printed off the programme from the BBC website - first time. It was just like being in the audience except I prefer watching TV as you see close-ups, though people in Hyde Park saw everything in detail on big screens.

Now she's royal we're told she must be addressed no longer as Kate but Catherine - such a pity. I think Kate is sounds friendlier and unique. One day maybe Queen Kate, or Queen Catherine? We got to know her as Kate.

I watched the lovely clothes, the colourful hats of the guests. the queen in yellow. Were the other guests told not to wear yellow - nor white. The train-bearer wore white, a simple right long dress, also very elegant.

The members of the public in the crowd were good-humoured. I loved the hat made by a man who did not even speak good English but had gone to enormous trouble to create a hat with photos downloaded from the web, even a motor cycle because William likes bikes. Many people - at least those followed by the camera, had painted their faces with union Jacks or red white and blue. The lookalike couple were entertaining, so was the man wearing the William mask.

We were watching the BBC website in our kitchen-diner on both a laptop and a monitor. When the BBC website went down we had to transfer to the living room and watch the old-fashioned way on armchairs in front of a TV. I'd just been thinking, time to get rid of the TV because we never watch it, when it came in handy, more than handy, essential.

After lunch the websites were running again so we were able to watch intermittently whilst clearing away lunch and having coffee.

The patriotic theme of the crowds in London inspired me so after 3 pm I started planning dressing up in red, white and blue for Hatch End's High street event. I needed a red dress and a co-ordinating hat with a Union Jack. I looked in my dressing up box which contains only half the props I use for my speeches at Toastmasters (wigs, angel wings, witches' hats for hallowe'en). The Union Jack hat was not there but I found an England hat from the last football event. Red and white. So off with the blue dress, on with a red dress. By now it is gone 4 pm but overcast and will anybody bother to go? I was just about to hunt for an umbrella - when the sun came out.

Suddenly I could hear people hurrying past the house. Parents calling to their children who were racing ahead, excited laughter. I was missing the party!

The banners had been along the railing all week saying there would be entertainment and free food from 4 pm until 6 pm. Amazingly, on previous occasions street events had attracted few numbers, mostly inside restaurants and just around the doorways. But this time everybody had had the day off as it was a bank holiday and by 4.30 the pavements were full like Oxford Street at sale time.

I stopped one girl to ask where she'd bought her souvenir flag. She was from a local school and had had the day off. She and her family got up at 6 am to go to London and watch the wedding which started at 11 am - which meant crowds outside as well as those with invitations to Westminster driving or walking up and assembling at least half and hour or an hour earlier.

An amazing number of VIP's were associated with Westminster Abbey, some honoured with burials there. Characters you hear about in history books. Edward I buried there. People from Shakespeare plays. Henry IV. Churchill. Many more. You'd think after all these centuries the management would have run out of space on the walls and underground. Maybe we could make room for you, me and our aunty Flo, if we shoved up Edward, who by now is only bones, the way they do in the New Orleans cemetery. (There I took a guided tour during which guides gleefully tell you how their ancestors coped with huge numbers of bodies during plaques and wars).

Free Food
Even doing nothing but watch TV makes you hungry and thirsty because thinking uses up calories. (Yes, some researcher somewhere recently tested and proved this theory.) So I aimed for the entrances of restaurants, but the crowd was densest there and lines for the free food stretched up and down the street. The plates of free food arrived and a melee of the first 20 people cleared the plate in half a minute.

How To Beat Queues
Families queued patiently. The British are so well-behaved. Although I will wait patiently for most things, such as tickets, when it comes to food, which has already run out on most tables, as I don't drink red wine or Coca Cola anyway, it seemed silly to queue for an hour and then find food had run out or the offering was spicy food I can't eat and colas or wines I can't drink. So I raced to the front to see if it was worthwhile queuing. I had kept hold of my plastic drinking glass and discovered a new trick. While everybody is waiting for a fresh supply of plastic glasses and plates, I could ask the second person on the table for a teeny refill in my glass.

At Sea Pebbles, famous, in Hatch End, for fish and chips, I was able to grab a single chip, or two, or three, and put it in my plastic glass. The fish was in batter and small strips so that was too much batter and it could have been shellfish which I'm allergic to.

Because I had not had the fish, I reasoned, of course both the fish and chip shop and the God who watches dieters would have allowed me another chip.

I succumbed to the temptation to ask for a sausage. (When the queue had come to a standstill.) I should not eat sausages. We (my family) are on an avoid cancer and lose weight diet. But the sausage was so good I had another. (Dear family, if you are reading this, of course I didn't. Only joking. I swear I only had one. Well, maybe two, but they were small, very thick but half size. If you are not on a diet, I recommend the sausages.)

Another Way To Beat The Queue
Trevor, an impatient person who is never willing to queue, under any circumstances, unlike me, came up with an even better ruse. He went to the table where things were going to slowly while the server held a conversation with each person, got another spoon from the table or inside the restaurant, and appointed himself as volunteer server.

He speeded up the operation by serving twenty people until he had got tired and the queue was at least much shorter. Seeing the food about to run out, he served himself the last portion. He went on his merry way, having got himself free food. He also probably ingratiated himself with friends and acquaintances in the crowd as well as the restaurant management. Call it chutzpah, call it initiative, call it one-upmanship.

I found the mayor and said hello. Where is a photographer when you need one? I also had a cordial conversation with Councillor Lammerman on the topic of potlholes in our roads.

I spoke to Mo, one of the brothers running Hatch End Tandoori. The chief smiler at Casa Mia gave me a smile, a nod and a wink. I saw two neighbours. I watched a street entertainer with packs of cards entertaining children who clamoured to take a card. He had a wooden duck and said it was worth it's weight in wood. I didn't laugh out loud but I thought he was most amusing. And he'd collected a crowd large enough to block most of the pavement and the slip road.

The sweet sensations karaoke tent was inviting children to sing. It was like a version of Hatch End's Got Talent. (The competition previously organized by Wetherspoon's pub Moon & Sixpence. ) The children who volunteered were given flags. I was standing watching when the organizer sang her closing song. She beckoned me forward.

The litter bins were overflowing with plastic plates. Showing that a good time had been had by all. The restaurants hoped that some people would stay in the area for a meal after 6 pm. I think every visitor must have had learned about at least one new business, or been reminded of a restaurant. We had made a promise to one or two restaurants that we would be back soon.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Topless Kids In Parks Or Streets

Nobody should point at others. I remember as a child walking down Oxford Street where a group of African women topless in grass skirts were walking along. My mother told me not to stare at other people.
But kids get sunburn and cancer like adults. Cover up for your own benefit.
My friend got dengue fever from a mosquito bite. Cover up for your own benefit.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Gun Crime - Problems & Solutions?

You can't compare England and America, whether you look at a geographical map or a political map you can see that it would be fairer to compare the UK and Florida, or America with the whole of Europe.
Every city has different crime rates. So does each city area. Every country or state has different rules on guns and the death penalty.
The questions affecting tourism and legislation are: Why is somebody (in Florida) allowed to roam the streets when they have just shot in a public place? Why do minors have access to a gun when they have not reached the age of responsibility, (young, special needs meaning low IQ or behavioural problem or both, and recent criminal history). Do they not have a curfew nor a minder?

Tourists should also observe a curfew, not out after midnight when taxis charge more and are hard to find, and there are few kind-hearted law-abiding pedestrians to tell you the way. Some US bars on New Year have signs saying that they will call free for a free taxi.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Book Writing Top Tips


What to write?

1 Getting Started - what to write
a) Do you want to write one book or several?
b) If one, your life story, your business or a novel or play or film screenplay? (Or poetry or songs or musical?)
c) If several, working on each an hour a day on each, or completing one in a hurry, such as over a weekend, or at a one week writers' retreat or holiday?
d) Are you well organised or do you need help?
e) If you need help, how much will you pay?

2) Your Book Plan
a) Money budget
b) Time budget

3) Quick Writing
a) Write a book in a weekend (based in USA).
b) Online write a novel in a month (write October edit November) online.

4) Resources
a) List your credentials. List plan of action.
b) List books you need.
c) List trips (eg library, bookshop).

5) Editing
a) Plot / Subject and style - Add drama. Make them laugh, make them cry, make them wait.
b) Grammar
c) Spelling
d) Page layout
e) Picture editing

5) Sales and Marketing
a) List events (eg book fairs, holidays).
b) Check dates. Plan launch. At your birthday party? At your Christmas party? At local book fair?For Christmas? For summer holiday reading?
c) Bookshops?
d) Online? Set up your website?
e) Start a business? Publishing? Marketing? Sales?
f) Co-operative of writers? Pay a friend? Get family to help?
g) Raise money for charity and get them to sell the book?
h) Marketing - Free, cheap, discount, buy one get one free, two for the price of one?

What am I working on?
A book of quotations. (First edition Quick Quotations For Successful Speeches is on Lulu.)
A travel book combining places I've visited (50 countries) plus my wishlist.
A poetry book for children teaching them useful facts.
A novel on talking animals. (First chapter in Harrow Writers Circle anthology This Is What We Do - can be bought from website of Harrow Writers' Circle.
My next speech for the next humorous speech competition for Toastmasters International.
A musical based on the life of my late uncle The Mad Musician.

How do you write a book? Who can help?



'How Do I write a book and can you help me?' I've had several such requests. Today's comes from Cindy on Facebook.

Do I have expertise to help?
Yes. I've had ten books published by mainstream publishers. I've worked for publishers as a non-fiction book editor.
I've self-published several books on Lulu.com

I go to two annual writers' holidays, Writers' Holiday and Writers' Summer School. I've heard dozens of speakers. I've attended loads of courses. I have a house full of books and books on writing books. I go to a writers' circle where we listen to chapters of each other's novels, everybody in the circle gives feedback, and we hear the authors' sob stories and success stories. I link to other authors on Facebook and LinkedIn.

I replied:

Angela Lansbury I teach in London and Singapore, £40 an hour. Anything which needs writing. Or on line.

You want to write what? Novel? Memoir? Poems?

Ghost writers help with memoirs. Ghost writers expect a lot of money because it takes a lot of time.

One company writes memoirs for those who are retired. He and his francises charge about £3000. They do everything, They have a preliminary interview when they show you finished books. You agree to pay. Do you pay ad advance or all at the end? Not sure. They set a series of questions, such as ten, to cover various periods of your life such as starting with childhood. You record your life on tape. They type up the draft. You make corrections. They send it to the printers. You get 1-3 or 1-10 copies nicely bound as a hardback book for yourself and grandchildren or family.

If you are head of a company you can get your business to fund it or do it as a vanity project.

There are no sales nor marketing.

You have to pay separately for sales and marketing.

You can self-publish and sell to people you meet giving talks or at fairs or just pushing books on everybody you meet.

You can write a book then hope to sell just a few. Or look to see what would sell best in order to make money and become in effect a publisher. You can even go on sites to get strangers overseas to bid to write a book on any topic for a fixed fee which you then sell. A man in the USA has a business doing this.

Why would anybody read your book? Either because you or the subject matter are unusual, or very common and deal with a common problem.

At the opposite extreme is the book you want distributed as widely as possible to promote yourself and your business even if you give it away free to every business and social contact. So you want it small, light, cheap to print, paperback, quick to write, only on your area of expertise.

Self-publish first draft on Lulu.com Promote business through course write a book in a weekend.

To write your novel. Read advice on the internet. Subscribe to a magazine for writers. Get books on writing a novel from a library, bookshop, the internet.

Join your local writers' circle. You should have several nearby. If there isn't one, start one. Most centres for arts have a writers or readers group which will know of a writer's circle.

Attend Writers' Holiday, Wales or Writers' Summer School Swanwick. They are held in the UK. People travel from other English speaking countries worldwide, especially if they can combine a trip visiting relatives in the UK with a writers' holiday.

See Harrow Writers' website.

See my webpages. I'll write a how to write a book for you.

Tell me more about why you want to write and what you want to write. Where are you?

You can buy my books on lulu.com and through Amazon.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Swearing


Today (April 8 2011) the UK's online Daily Mail reports that a footballer (who I won't name as I do not wish to give him publicity) swearing at a TV camera broadcasting live. A policeman said that if the footballer had said that in the street to a policeman the swearer would have got arrested.
I don't like swearing. I'm a teacher and can't afford to hear words and pick them up. Otherwise I would swear in front of children and audiences and the public every time I dropped a pencil.
It's ironic that a footballer is not supposed to swear on TV yet TV shows comedians swearing and TV serials and plays containing swear words.
I never watch TV now. For several months I just turned off every time I heard a swear word. Now I just don't watch.
I don't buy CDs or DVDs or books containing swear words. I also avoid the bar area of my local pub. Swearing is bad business, whether you are a footballer, a TV company or a pub.
The policeman is right. He couldn't swear at members of the public and they should not swear at him.

Friday, April 1, 2011

If you are a member of any charity or fund raising organisation I could give a talk about business etiquette, living in the USA and Singapore, or one of my books on travel, etiquette and quotations. I have two bookings coming up for Townswomen's Guilds.
I am a semi-retired English tutor. I am currently writing an armchair travel guide based on sites associated with historical characters, statues and memorials. Marilyn Monroe and the flowers left daily by her devoted ex Joe; JFK and Ruby's drinking club where the local police used to meet. That sort of thing.
My support for cancer research involves shopping for clothes in charity shops. And talks on cancer. One relative in remission. One had MRSA. One had clostridium difficile.
I'm trying to eat healthy and do exercise, such as swimming and belly dancing at a gym.

Bullying

Flats should have balconies with barriers so people can sit and look out, and not sit on windowsills.
Buildings should have awnings or stepped designs so that if you fall out of a window or balcony your fall is broken.
Isn't there a phone help line for people who are bullied?
Maybe every school and local police station should have a bullying line.
Schools should have a regular reminder at assembly about help lines and to ban bullying.
Part of the pledge on joining school should be to agree to not bully, to report when others are bullied, and to complain when you are bullied.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Cheap Flights with subtitles

Tsunami, Whaling, Employment, Tourism

Now I know why the Japanese opposed restrictions on whaling. The economy of an entire coastal town depended upon it. Unfortunately the sea which provided their living has also taken many lives. Three questions, first what's more important, whales or people? Second, are/were they over-fishing whales to extinction? Thirdly, solving the other problems, can the people be given alternative employment? In an area away from whales and tsunami? First step would be a Tsunami Museum, way back in safety on the hillside overlooking the area.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Japan tsunami breaks wall

Tsunami Rescue Prevention And Cure Problems And Answers

Question/Problem 1 Tsunami-proof buildings?

Answer 1 Pictures of Yamada/ Wakuya show buildings pulverised and swept away; but despite surroundings being demolished, multi-storey ones, some on higher ground, survived as safety islands. Copy those buildings.

Question 2 Government refuses help? Happens too often, dictators on small islands and big modern countries where top families are recluses who never speak.

Answer 2 U.N. must declare a disaster zone and move in.

Question 3 Can the UK help? We can't organise or distribute funds in priority to fix our potholed roads.

Answer 3 Armies should divert from war/unemployment to build roads and bridges.

Q/Problem 4 It takes time. But people buried under rubble don't have time. Nor do those without food and clean water. They need Medicines. Roads.

Answer 4 Have a central co-ordination service like the US wartime hospitals to prioritise needs and direct the assorted aid agencies.

Problem 5 We can't land planes because no airport.

Answer 5 We need helicopters. Need big ships you can land on. Launch small amphibious (land and sea) boats.

Problem 6 But can't risk rescuers because of risk of after-shocks, more tsunami?

Answer 6 Japan and other countries have volunteers in wartime, kamikazi pilots, suicide bombers - surely there are enough risk-takers who find the risk a thrill, or who are altruistic or want the accolade of being a living hero or dead martyr?

Question/Problem 7 But speed is vital.

Answer 7 Forget paperwork. Sukihara issued unappproved transit visas to save lives in WWII. Japanese and UK officials should send real or fake papers or risk government wrath to move in aid. Embassy should hotline to (UK) head of state.

Q/Problem 8 No phones! No info.

Answer 8 Back to basics like in Africa where the whole village is gathered in one building and one TV gives out information and one phone is shared by all.
Wind-up radio.
Satellite is used by newspapers to phone reports home.

Problem 9 Wind-up radios and satellite phones are costly.

Answer 9 Google, Apple, Buffet, aid agencies, public - help!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Tsunami Safety For Cars, Boats, Buildings

Watching the horrific amateur videos of the Japanese tsunami March 2011 on the pages of national newspapers, I saw a ship swept under a bridge and crushed. Then cars swept into buildings.
Noah's Ark are the words which come to my mind. What is the solution? What could the boat designers do? Anchors? Submarines? Bumpers?
What could car designers do? Amphibious vehicles? Signals sent further inland when sea wall are breached. Cars with all round bumpers? But some were tossed upside down.
Oxygen supplies in cars for trapped drivers?
They've done research in London on how to design buildings on stilts so the water passes through. Now they need designers for cars and boats.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Why I like Country Music Stories

I love Country Music. Dolly Garton. Garth Brooks. Patsy Cline. All those wonderful stories told in three verses with a twist end to each one in less than fifty words. Especially tragic and humorous.

For example, unrequited love. Sylvia's mother (mother says she's getting married - punchline narrator sings, tell her goodbye).

Humour and revenge: The day my mother socked it to the PTA.

Humour: The man who steals bits of cars from a factory and makes an absurd car with bits of different models and makes of cars, gets caught and ends up in prison.

Tragic mystery: The song about the car crash and the puzzling ring in the glove box. The narrator realises it shows the woman was having an affair. The punchline says he finally understood and threw into the well the ring, to hide it, because it belonged to - his mother.

The trucker buying flowers to be sent to his Mum. The trucker pays for the flowers for the little impecunious little boy and follows the kid to see if Mum likes the flowers. The kid puts the flowers on his mother's grave. So the trucker goes back to the flower shop, reclaims the flowers and delivers them in person to his own mother.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

'What Does A Woman Want,' asked Freud. Listen.

What does a woman want? asked Freud. Many women tell a man exactly what she wants, but he doesn't listen. He tries to persuade her to do what he wants. That's like a salesman trying to sell you something different. Occasionally it will work. But not long term. The customer might change their mind within a week. Most sales courses tell the salesman to listen to what the customer wants.

A man needs to know a woman’s personality type. Is she looking for wild and exciting? (Many young women are. So are some older women ‘looking for a bit of rough’.

Or is she looking for security and safety? Even if she seems wild, she might have a hidden fear. She might be quite happy to get drunk, but be terrified of old houses with mice or spiders.

She might want to be excited by her fears in a horror movie. Or this might turn her off completely. Does she want to face her fears, or seek reassurance?

What Are Her Hidden Fears?
Maybe she doesn’t like remote locations, side entrances, front doors in the dark. (Better to leave a light on over the door if you are planning t bring her back after dark.)

She might not like basements.

She might not like heights. The penthouse is glamorous, he thinks. But not for Miss Timid or Miss Vertigo. When it has a sheer drop from the balcony on a day when the news is about somebody falling or being pushed off a balcony. So only invite her onto the balcony if she wants to see the view. Don’t keep insisting she comes onto the balcony if she looks scared when you suggest it.

Waterside. Seaside. Lakeside. Yacht. Marina. Canal. Great. Romantic. Lovely view of the passing boats in summer, you think.

But the news has three bad news water stories. First about the missing yachtsman. She or you will think, the missing man was more of an expert than you, but he was in a race, though you are talking about the fun of going fast. Second, the couple who died on the yacht near Somalia. But they were in a dangerous area. They said they wanted to die doing what they loved. You just told her the same thing. Finally, thirdly, children screaming as Dad drives the car into a canal. She now starts to think, is this an omen. Is somebody up there trying to tell me something. She is going off this water idea. The more you push it, the more you will bring up reminders.

Maybe she has a horror of canals. She might think they are low class, like her Granddad. Or her ex on a leaking houseboat, in the bad old days. She might think they are for toffs, like her old boss, who thought she would service him and get the bus home. Or maybe she thinks canals and rivers just dangerous, don't like the canal. It doesn't help to be sending pictures of a stormy sea, or a deserted canal at night, when the news is full of unpleasant stories.

A colleague of a friend might have just died in 'an accident'. For example, his family and lifelong friends have no idea why he managed to drive, through a major wall, into water. It could be suicide. But if his family and friends don’t know, how well can she judge an acquaintance. Same applies to potential terrorists. How does anybody in what they perceive as a war zone (this includes any place that’s had a bombing, Ireland, Israel, London, New York, Madrid, Turkey, Kosovo, Glasgow ....)

How do you know that somebody of another religion is not a terrorist, or that their spouse or child or brother is not one, unknown to them? How do you know that your date, if you’ve never met them, has not stolen the identity of somebody of your religion or sect?

Same as skyscraper hotels all found sales dropped after a major fire, no good protesting that they had sprinklers and this and that, sales still went down. Some of the potential customers didn't even realise why they were feeling negative. They instead put more emphasis on totally different reasons, and kidded themselves that what they really wanted was a beach holiday. After the tsunami holidaymakers were all booking holidays in city centre skyscrapers.

Some of them did not tell the beach locations why.

Others didn't even realise why they had chosen the city centre holidays. It was a case of once bitten (by news) twice shy. After the consumers had forgotten, the effect lasted.

Some had not even realised at the time of the earlier incident, what was programming their actions. Same with holidays in countries at war. You can persuade a few people to take the risk, but nine out of ten decide to play safe and stay home. Also a lot of people will book a holiday in a dangerous place and then fall ill at the last moment, their subconscious telling them not to do it.

Also she might not like the suburb or city he suggests. Hull, Burnt Oak, Milton Keynes, Blackpool. Her family might not know of any great attractions in or near his home. Has he offered to show her anything in a public place, or simply ‘Come Up And See My Etchings’.

Do you think mocking her and her fears will succeed? Probably not. Teasing could work. If it's too soon, or maybe any time, she might think, 'He doesn't understand me. He doesn't care. '

How about sympathising?

If they go out for a meal on a second date, he would still have the chance of persuading her to go back to his place after the warmth of the evening, after she'd had more time with him, which she might not agree to in the cold light of day on the basis of one evening's acquaintance.

***

She does like him if she engages in a long, tedious, time-wasting correspondence. When she should be working.

But he might be writing to two or twenty girls throughout Saturday until one agrees to call at his place.

If he really wants to see her he should take her to a local restaurant. Unless she has other ideas. (A sporty girl might prefer to be active. A dieting girl might like activity and a meal. After drink, neither of you will feel much like walking or driving.)

Compromise. Find out what both parties want.

She wants to eat out but he is on a budget. She might be quite happy at a carvery or other inexpensive place. Result, a successful date.

Drinking And Driving On A Date - Yes, No, Maybe, Maybe Not

Wetherspoons have a great steak lunch for two with a bottle of wine. However, it's not ideal if you want to be wide awake at work later in the afternoon. Watch out that you don’t get so drunk that you have a hangover.


What about the man who persuades a woman to drink with a meal or go for a drink, when she doesn't want to? Or go back to his place for a meal and a drink. What if the meal does not appear? The champagne turns into beer?


If you try to persuade anybody else to do something they clearly don't want to do, you run the risk that they will be forced into agreeing and then chicken out at the last minute.


If a man, or woman, is too pushy on date one or two, the other person might begin to feel they are being pushed around. They feel out of control and just too worried to enjoy themselves.

Try not to make too many demands. Remember the film When Harry Met Sally.

The man might not want the hassle and expense of booking a restaurant.

But the lady doesn’t want the hassle and expense of buying a new phone and making all sorts of background checks on the man’s address and phone and car and identity.


c) What is she supposed to tell the family? That she is going to a nearby restaurant which they know, which they could phone if it got to midnight and she was missing? A place which has a record of both of them on CCTV.


Or to admit that she has no idea where she’s going, she’s with somebody whose address she doesn't know, somebody she's never met nor spoken to, who does not belong to any club she belongs to, and she’s going back to his place on date two. How does that look to his family and hers if it ever gets in the papers?


Dating Safety First For Women On Blind Dates

Safety Advice For Women

If a man wants a lady to get in his car and spin down the motorway to an as yet unknown (to her) restaurant or his home, whether it’s a first date a second date, or a long term arrangement (remember Bluebeard) somebody should know where she has gone and with whom.

A lady should have his car number and make, plus his address and phone number so that she can keep these with her and leave these facts behind (not in the house which he can burgle, but via email so the server keeps a record) to show where she has gone.

In the case of an accident such as a car accident, an accident at his home, or her feeling faint or him having a heart attack she couldn't even phone for help without knowing where she was.

When women date men under 50 the problems are drink and drugs. Over 50s the problems are more often health. I know of two or three cases where a lady had a date with a man who later revealed he'd just had a triple by-pass and wanted to die happy in a woman's arms.

You can't know necessarily know in advance that you will have a car accident or a heart attack. Both are equally scary, the man behind the wheel who is drunk when the lady is sober. The men behind the wheel who is sober having got the lady drunk.

Once, long ago, a man invited me to lunch and opened a bottle of wine. He drank nothing.

So when he went back to the kitchen I poured the wine into the pot plant. Yes, if I were writing a tragedy - or a comedy, the poor plant instantly collapses!

However, some people they don't tell you their health problems until half way through date one or date two.

It’s still safer to stay in a restaurant. If a man’s budget is too small. (Is he spending on all those other ladies on the nights he is busy?) He could take her to a chain like Cafe Rouge, especially if it is running a special offer, or look for a place with a discount offer.

Safety First For Men On Blind Dates


Safety Advice From Websites

Most dating websites have advice on safety.



The Worried Man

For men the advice is don’t give out your identity nor send money to strangers on the web.


Okay, so he picks a woman in the UK (or wherever he lives). What could go wrong?



Here are my warnings.


He could find himself with a suicidal woman who wants him to kill her - she’s willing to write a note to the police saying she asked him to do it.


He might meet a woman who wants him to pretend to rape her in order to fulfil her fantasy. What a dream, but she wants this to happen on the staircase, and what if her elderly neighbour calls the police.


Then what if her tough spouse, who is an expert in martial arts, gets home unexpectedly and thinks this is for real? Or maybe she planned for her spouse to arrive in the nick of time and to feel sorry for her.


Or the new date could unnerve our good man by telling him about her four previous lives in other centuries.


Other problems from a man’s point of view are:

Going back to her home and her husband suddenly appears (angry heterosexual). Going back to her place and her flatmate / girlfriend appears (angry lesbian). Spouse could appear by accident. Or pre-arranged robbery or blackmail.


‘She’ could be a man in drag.


It can be tragic. It can be funny. I hope for you it will always be the latter.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Men and women the same under law?

A sexual offence against a teenage girl is always different because
a) The female victim could get pregnant with damage to her healthy, education, job prospects and marriage prospects and lifelong physical, emotional and financial responsibility for the baby
b) She loses her virginity in a more verifiable fashion
c) A woman's reputation is damaged more than a man's
d) A man could have intercourse with a girl who is not aroused but it would be difficult for a woman to have intercourse with a male who is not aroused
e) Men are usually taller and have stronger arms and can more easily intimidate younger females

Friday, February 18, 2011

Cannibalism - thousands of years ago - readers are shocked

Today's (Feb 18 2011) Daily Mail carried an article about findings of skull 'cups' suggesting that the tribes preceding the Brits' ancestors resorted to cannibalism.
Cannibalism happened on an island in Indonesia, too, cannibals alive in last century, 1900s, in places such as Sarawak.
I asked our local guide, 'Did you ever meet a cannibal?'
He looked at me with shock, as if I'd asked a silly question, and replied, 'Of course. My grandfather was one.'
The British rulers stamped out the practice by the punishment of destroying longhouses, a big house for the entire group.
It's in all the guidebooks and history books - and local tourist guides will tell you.
In times and places of famine, also. For example, the Donner party in the USA. WWII Belsen where Anne Frank died.
See Wiki for links.
Maybe the UK scientists have proof but sensibly don't tell us.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Screaming Children Racing Around Restaurants

An article in today's BBC News on line was about children in restaurants.

It's distracting and unnerving when kids chase each other around aisles, hit siblings and fight. Like smoking areas in olden days, have a family area, plus an adults only area. Barriers stop children racing away from their table.

Restaurants serving children need drawing books and crayons. They could sell toy packs.

Parents lacking baby-sitters should pack quiet toys and books. Or even talk to children!

Romantic Times and Valentines

A picture of a paper rose was posted on Facebook by one of my friends from a Singapore toastmasters group.

Origami roses? Brilliant.

Admittedly one can't help thinking of the song. 'Paper roses,' the song says, 'like your imitation love for me'. That was the song when Torville & Dean won the ice skating dance championships.

But better paper roses than no roses. Lovely stuck on the front of a card, in a pop-up card, or to seal a hand-delivered envelope

Death and 'on duty' doctor in an NHS hospital


My father, aged 94, had driven to my house and eaten a meal, and was alert enough to play bridge the night before he went into hospital with pneumonia which they cured, but unfortunately got clostridium difficile. (I later learned you can be given treatment for pneumonia, basically taking pills, at home, with a doctor or nurse calling daily to monitor you.)
My father in an NHS hospital complained his dentures were not cleaned. He got thrush in the mouth. It was too painful for him to eat or drink.
I was told the thrush in his feet would be treated when he got home, despite the foot specialist being same corridor. He never got home. He got thrush in the feet and could not walk.
I asked for food supplements. We read the label. He had been given drinks filled with sugar. He was diabetic.
He got clostridium difficile.
He wasn't eating for a couple of days. He was so depressed he told the doctor he wanted to die. I'm not surprised. If I miss only one meal I feel depressed. How would you feel with no food or drink, alone, in a bed looking at a blank wall all day. (I had a cold for four days and didn't want to take my germs into hospital. Sent other relatives in the evening. tried phoning hospital.) Like other people (in Today's Mail comments on an article on the NHS hospitals) I ordered a TV but neither I, the bedridden patient, nor any of the hospital staff knew how to turn it on.
I tried to transfer him home, spent all day phoning social services. The hospital claimed they kept calling social services. Social services told me they'd never been told the case was urgent. The hospital was in one district, but social services was in another.
I went to hospital. He was so dehydrated, his tongue was swollen so he couldn't speak. Or swallow water. No point being in hospital. Not being fed. He can't walk to a taxi. What to do?
I asked for the hospital's weekend on duty doctor. I wanted a drip.
She refused to come - because he was under the care of a consultant so she claimed she could not over-ride the consultant's instructions.
Time is of the essence. My father died.
A solicitor who'd done wills told me a quick way to get out of hospital in an ambulance is transfer to a private hospital which sends an ambulance.
There, we'd have a bedside phone. Once before my father had been in a private hospital. We learned that you could phone the consultant from your hospital bed You don't even need to know the number. The hospital switchboard has the numbers of consultants.
Going to a private hospital would have been worth the cost, as inheritance tax, lawyers and probate take so much, I'd rather have had my father's money spent on my father. He'd saved all his life for 'a rainy day' and the 'rainy day' had arrived. There my wishes would have been more of a priority. My father would have had a phone. And I could have had an ambulance to take him home to die, which he'd have preferred.
The hospital nurse did his best. he phoned the on duty doctor a second time. No luck.
I phoned family urgently. My father could not say anything. Because of the dehydration his tongue was too swollen. He could not even say goodbye to me.
He just died. Now he was dead, I had four nurses, everybody, come to have a look.
I was shown to another side room. I went out to the corridor to ask for a cup of tea.
One of the kindly male nurses I knew from previous visits was coming down the corridor. He smiled and asked, 'How's your father?"
I said, 'Dead.'
The hospital's weekend on duty hospital doctor came along after my father died. The doctor was obliged to sign the death certificate. A cynic pointed out that also the doctor is paid to sign the death certificate!