Poem on Pilots by Angela Lansbury

verse 889 This is your pilot speaking
version 4
by Angela Lansbury

This is your pilot speaking
I’m sorry about the delay
I can’t help it - it’s not my fault
A goat’s racing up the runway

This is your pilot speaking
I’m getting impatient like you
Now six other flights are ahead of us
So there’s nothing more I can do

This is your pilot speaking
You must be hungry and angry
But we can’t hand out the dinner trays
‘cos they say we’ll soon be on our way

This is your pilot speaking
We’ve had to divert the plane
I’m sorry about the bumpy ride
A man with heart problem’s nearly died -
But we’ll soon be on our way again

This is your pilot speaking
You may have heard a drunk shout
Please be assured he’s been restrained
We’ve no intention of letting him out

This is your pilot speaking
Keep your seatbelt done up tight
No food or toilet use ‘til the storm’s done
About four hours later tonight

This is your pilot speaking
Passengers saw a monkey, and spider,
Another claims a snake's beside her
Let’s serve more drinks, where are the brakes?

This is your pilot speaking
The flight didn’t go as planned
We’re diverting to Dubai
Those without visas cannot land

This is your pilot speaking
Half will be glad smoking is banned
Now the military escort’s let us go
I’m sure you’ll be pleased to land

This is your pilot speaking
Thanks for putting the fire out
A round of applause for the rugby team
Tackling hijackers saved us, no doubt

This is your pilot speaking
The undercarriage has gone
We’ve lost a wing, an engine, the roof
And crew - nothing else is wrong.

This is your pilot speaking
Sorry about the bumping landing
I guess that you’ve already heard
This airport’s problem’s flights of birds

This is your pilot speaking
Is anyone’s friend down in the hold?
They’ve no passport nor ticket and
I’m sorry to say they’ve died of cold.

This is your pilot speaking
The forecast here’s torrential rain
But it’s sunny back in London
So - please fly with us again.
-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury 2010
Any comments?

If you quote a couplet or quatrain from my poem please ensure that it is attributed to Angela Lansbury. Thanks.