Airport Chaos solutions

Airports take money from passengers and planes in taxes. They should have contingency plans for delays involving people sleeping overnight, whether its a plane crash or cancellations caused by weather. It doesn't need to be 5 star accommodation, just something better than sleeping on

the floor.

For example, an underground bunker village with bunk beds, dormitories in a hangar, converted coaches containing bunk beds or simply sleeper seats - or old planes and couchette trains, even army troop carriers.

Get all schools and universities to enter a competition to come up with ideas. In good weather get volunteers to build the facilities - paid with free off-peak flights.

More thoughts for travellers, too. outfits zipped so that make warm clothes which look like ski outfits but convert into sleeping bags. Get the fashion students and art students onto this.

Caricatures by Angella

Here are some caricatures.

If you'd like one of yourself, or a friend for a present, or an entertainer at a party or event, go to web.me.com

or contact

angelalansbury@hotmail.com

Travel News from World Travel Market 2010

What's new? On the stands I met PR Patricia of Peru with Paddington bear. The Malaysians and Indonesians had glamorous girls, Paris sent glamour in slightly saucier suits like Las Vegas. Folly - no, folies.

Later I sipped great cocktails and jiggled to jolly music on the Caribbean stands. I'm a honeymoon specialist - my walls at home are full of framed articles of me in bridal suites on four poster beds, recommending everywhere from Niagara in Canada to the Lake District in England. St Lucia has places where if you book your honeymoon you can have the wedding arranged for free. Whilst some resorts are for adults only, others cater for second honeymooners with kids in tow. You can even park the honeymoon couple in privacy in an adults only resort and put the kids and grandparents next door in a resort with a waterpark to keep the children entertained - or have everyone together in a romantic all inclusive family resort. Why go all the way to the Caribbean when you can get waterparks in Spain? The Caribbean scenery - the twin peaks of the St Lucia's Pitons. The glide for adults and the small version for children. Before booking and travelling check news and foreign office guidelines for when St Lucia recovers from the hurricane - see report on that in Travel Trade Gazette.

Embarrassment as usual at the press conferences. Remember the Chinese adage, a man who runs a restaurant should have a smile. Same goes for press conferences. You need a smiling welcome for all and enough food and drink for the guests in each seat, plus enough goody bags for everybody.

Not enough facts about tourist sites. So several press conferences have ministers apologising. Members of the press air grievances about not getting replies to emails, no help or being held up at borders. In Toastmasters we have a session on dealing with hostile audiences and hecklers. You must go instantly and confidently into sorry to hear that, see me later and I'll answer your problem, now let's stick to the good news. At one conference two members of the audience immediately came back with, I've found the PR department helpful. It still wasted everybody's time - no story about new attractions for consumers. But perhaps it did highlight the three issues. Have a news story. Welcome all journalists. At the very least give everyone a glass of water, a smile, a business card and a promise you'll be in touch. And a simple message, a one line memorable story.

The Palestinians have their brochures out on the racks in the press office. The Egyptians and Israelis say they see a future in which the Israel, Egypt, Jordan and Palestinian sites will all receive tourists, whether Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu or non-believers, who will travel from place to place not bothered by borders and every city will benefit from the income from tourists. As an Israeli said, I have never met anybody of any religion or none who has not been thrilled to visit Jerusalem.

The Israelis have a sniffer dog and a fight for an insufficient supply of smoked salmon bagels. But there's always lots of friendly banter and fun. A friendly journalist informs me he is not really Jewish because he does not play bridge.

The Israelis are promoting hidden gems. Where's the link between the title, gems, and the total variety of generalisations? Gems? I seem to be the only travel writer who has been on a visit to a diamond factory and seen the gem museum, factory tour, free walk of Jaffa. I could do with a few facts and fewer generalisations from travel press conferences.

Egypt - ministers for tourism here, like elsewhere, talk about projects which will finish in two years or ten years time. That's a great story for investment and environmental columns but we are mostly consumer package and business travel journalists. I admit I was excited by the idea of a green waterside desert city which will transform Sharm El Sheikh in Egypt and more to come.

That's the very project I had in mind for Singapore's Lee Kuan Yew to transform the world transforming every city to copy Singapore's flower-filled garden city, but I'm really looking for travel stories about what the consumer can see and do next week, saving money. I did ask a question about when do you get budget seasonal deals (for honeymooners, family holidays and business, and I got an answer. The budget season is three weeks before Christmas and three weeks after. Same as many countries. Writing this in November, that means book now for a last minute budget holiday in early December.

I find my press pack or goody bag contains a mug with the word Egypt on it. So much paper to carry! Even with a small bag on wheels I have to start recycling - I keep reading press releases, tearing off the contacts and newsy bits. I threw away the big heavy box protecting the big mug, and broke the mug on the way home. I saved all the bits and will try to fix it up with superglue. Waste not, want not.

More useful to me, I pick up an invitation to meet fellow Travel Twitter writers from the one company which recognises that Facebook and Twitter actually reach the consumer. Opposite Liberty's department store was a drinks reception in the basement of the Hilton Doubltree hotel, a converted magistrates' court. Off the main bar are alcoves which were originally cells, now with seating plus the preserved toilet cubicle with the toilet. What a novelty. When the PR sends me a picture I'll add it. If you want an offbeat venue. this is it, and very central. Luxurious too. Orange marble floor in the ladies' toilet. And lovely hand washing bowls, though no hand cream. Bedroom rates are well over £100 but that's rack rate.

Lovely, after all that second-hand tourism, seeing colour slides, to end experiencing real tourism. As well as Twitters I met a friendly face from a Toastmasters International speakers club in Hertfordshire, the area where I am Assistand Area Governor.

Oscar Wilde said he carries his diary so as to have something sensational to read on the train. I took my new book Quick Quotations for Successful Speeches. (You can see it on Lulu. Even buy it.) Does anybody know any amusing quotations on travel?

Travel editors, PR people, fellow journalists and writers, Toastmasters, readers, you can contact me with quotations, PR, or to buy my books, chat, ask me out to lunch, angelalansbury@hotmail.com

Procrastination - Lateness - Getting Up Latecauses

I have a prospective pupil who gets up too late to visit me for English lessons in the morning.

This is inconvenient for me.

I am stressed out texting her to see if she wants a lesson and not getting a reply.

She arrived once very late.

Why? I've been thinking about this and think I know the answers.

I know somebody else who gets up late, after working through the night.

At certain times in my life I've done the same.

Earlier this week I was late for an event.

Let's look at causes and solutions.

Causes:

1 Fear of meeting new people.

2 Fear of going to new places.

3 Being too tired to cope with public transport and work out directions.

4 Not wanting to get in conflict with taxi drivers.

5 Running out of money because one spends on luxuries rather than necessities.

6 Running out of money for events and transport because one spends every coin and note in one's pocket on status enhancing products. (Because I'm never good enough.)

7 Working at night because it is less stressful to be free of interruptions from phone calls from friends and others.

8 Working at night because one is free from the stress of knowing one ought to phone people who are only available in daytime, banks, shops etc.

9 Night time is 'me time' when one can do what one wants without pressure from others. A chance to act randomly, read, fritter away time.

10 One is dis-satisfied with life and wants to get more hours of the day for that great unfinished project, the novel, the personal memoir, the homework or job which is nearing the deadline.

Solutions

1 Wake up with the light by leaving the curtains open. (After one short of sleep night you'll have no trouble sleeping before midnight the next night.)

2 Write down tasks and do them in order.

3 Positive thinking. Tell yourself how much you are looking forward to an event.

4 Have a quick-dress outfit. Don't spend hours deciding what to wear to impress. Have a standard good enough outfit. A dress instead of co-ordinates which have to match. tomorrow's clothes on the hanger ready.

5 Tell people in advance when you will have to leave so they don't delay you.

6 Calculate how long it takes to dress and travel to an event. Don't focus on be there at seven and then stop working at 7 and start getting ready to go out, when dressing will take half an hour and travelling half an hour. Focus on dress at 6. Tell yourself, not - I'll just spend five more minutes on this and then dress. Tell yourself, I'll just spend five minutes dressing and then come back to this.

7 Similarly with bedtimes, Cajole and trick yourself. If bedtime is midnight, at 11.30, tell yourself, I'll just spend five minutes, cleaning my teeth, just five minutes, undressing, just lie down and shut my eyes for five minutes and then I can do another ten minutes work before midnight. Suddenly you've got to sleep.

Where to buy a towelling wrap

I wore my wrap-around towel in the Fitz gym where I'd been taken by somebody who has a guest pass. A woman asked me where I'd bought my wraparound towel. I have four of them, one magenta, one fuschia with shoulder straps, one orange towelling and one orange micofibre towelling.

I looked for the label in the towelling version in orange (they call it peach usually) towelling. To my surprise it came from Spotlight, the Australian store, presumably the branch in Singapore, not in Australia. The 'orange' microfibre one probably came from Kleeneze catalogue company who deliver to your door so you don't pay extra for postage. You can also buy a headband which folds over and secures with Velcro. If you want both, it's worthwhile looking to see if you can get the headband or turban included or cheaper if you buy both together.

Microfibre always sounds a good idea and I keep buying it, but it can get static and feel odd and catch on hangnails.

I think the magenta sarong with the shoulder straps came from an Ace Xmas catalogue. I pointed out to my new friend that the button at thigh level was one I had moved there from inside. She gasped, 'You sew too!'

Doesn't everyone? I sew when forced to do so. The sarong is rather small and I am rather large, as we say in England, 'round the houses', (where does that phrase come from). So it does not overloap. Whenever I am out of the bath in a towelling sarong the bell goes for the post or a parcel delivery and I don't want it gaping. So I thought I'd add a popper or a co-ordinating button.

The top fastens with a button and loop. But there's another button inside so that midgets who are half my size can do it up tighter. It didn't take long to remove the button and sew on at hip level.

What about a loop? The inner loop was easy to remove. And sewing it was easy - who's looking to see how neat it is, anyway? Anybody could do it.

But what other kinds of towelling sarong can you buy?

Go on line and you can lose an evening, as I just did, looking at dozens of companies. To save you time, here's a summary of what I've found.

I first ordered a towel sarong in navy years ago from Able-label who sell them for men and women with personalisation (name or initials). Currently white and navy. The man's version is shorter, designed to cover the groin, not the bust.

TowelsRus.co.uk has navy, white or peach £14.95.

Ladies Towelling Sarong, plum, £11.95 from amazon.co.uk

Red from icebenice in cotton £11.95.

Indigoclothing.com £7.58 plus packing

Microfibre with rurban £10 various colour including navy, peach, pink, lilac, with hat and slippers included or separate £10

Lots of companies will add embroidered initials or personalisation such as a club's name and therefore they are looking at the multiple order market with minimum orders of 4. (OK if you have a family of 4, or are ordering for Xmas presents could be worthwhile.) Greater discounts apply to bigger orders.

A wedding site in the USA offers bridesmaids and spa sets of three sarongs in assorted colours plus some prints which I think look tacky but you might like the patterns.

You can buy towels to match the sarong. Or buy two large towels and use one to make a sarong.

Velcro for the overlap. Elastic in a hem at the top. Add a button or ribbons.

Writing Books

I'm currently updating my books.

Caricatures by Angella Scenes From Summer 2010

These are small drawings.

Depending on your budget, you can commission small or large drawings for cards, gifts, businesses, restaurant walls, birthdays, anniversaries and leaving presents. Or memories of children or grandparents, alive or dead, from live people modelling or from photographs.

The longer you are prepared to sit, the more time can be spent on achieving a likeness, creating an interesting pose and adding evocative props.

Charge is on a size and time basis, depending on the paper and time used, ranging from a tiny black outline sketch in under five minutes (less than £20) with a quickly drawn caption to a large drawing with background, colouring, interviewing to get a biographical caption, making up a rhyme or alliterative description, and careful lettering and maybe drawing a frame.

Contact angelalansbury@hotmail.com

More caricatures

Here are some more.

Caricatures by Angella - Models With Wit

My drawing of caricatures is developing into a distinctive style.

1 I draw large heads and small bodies (which is quite common).

2 But also very colourful, using watercolour pencils.

3 Often whimsical or humorous.

4 Not stick figures like Lowry but overweight people, plump and jolly, like myself, emulating the paintings by the late Beryl Cook who showed people eating and dancing, enjoying themselves.

5 She often did several characters and although I mostly have one sitter, I am now starting to do pairs of people, with one looking at the other, either affectionately or admiringly or in surprise.

6 I try to include something which epitomises or symbolises their main interest, work, sport or hobby, such as a tennis racquet.

7 I wanted to add humorous rhyming couplets, using alliteration, combining their name and trade or profession alliteratively. I did that for my friends, twin doctors, Derek and David.

8 I asked Dorothy what she did. She was retired, but had lots of interests. I asked how she would like to be described on her gravestone. She quipped, 'I want lover on my gravestone.'

Lover seemed to be inappropriate to put on a drawing of her. But the whole phrase, 'Put lover on my gravestone' seemed a good caption.

9 I then thought I should have a saying from each person, summing up their attitude to life, such as a glass half full, or, if they could not come up with something original and witty, their favourite proverb. That would be a great souvenir of each person, much more interesting as a collection of characters from each decade. It's a way of making the drawings more interesting. 10 Alternatively a way of subtly getting across common sense and advice to youngsters in the form of a humorous art book.

RIALTO Restaurant, another great restaurant in Hatch End

Rialto Restaurant

The name Rialto comes from the Rialto bridge which you see on the mural inside the restaurant. I looked up Rialto in Wikipedia and learned that it means river high, or the high bank, the riverside where the market was set up, linked by a bridge, one of four across the river, and an icon of Venice. It's a covered bridge and the rental helped pay for the upkeep of the bridge. We used to have a covered bridge in London. Another well-known covered bridge in Italy is the one in Florence with jewellery shops. This is a conversation starter if you're with an old or new friend in the restaurant and looking for a general topic before you move into the more confidential conversation.

Despite the echoing flooring and wood tables you could not hear the conversation of others nor be overheard because of the background music. That was good.

I started with a glass of prosecco, the Italian sparkling wine, which resembles a dry Champagne. Prosecco seems to appear more often on menus nowadays that the sweeter Asti Spumante.

Outside, a board had displayed a lunch time offer competing with other local restaurants but we were given the main menu. I wasn't bothered because I was looking for something different from pizza and pasta and opted for the chicken with vegetables. I like a piece of solid meat. the spinach and carrots were okay. Casa Mia on a good day, and Fellini in the old days, used to do chicken and freshly cooked vegetables better.

Yes, it was only lunch time, but almost £12 for a lunch you expect something good, more than you'd get for the usual loss leader of £6 and under, which means most restaurants are breaking even so they are employed and getting free lunch, making money only on the drinks and keeping the place busy, occupying the waiting staff, reminding you the customer to come back in the evening.

I tried my companion's spaghetti carbonara, which is made with egg yolk and ham. Could not believe how astonishingly good it was. So good I might have that instead if I ever go back.

Our smiling waitress was from Poland, a town which was previously called Breslaw. In fact four different smiley people served us or asked if everything was all right so service was a good point. I didn't complain about anything because nothing was so wrong that I wanted it changed. But I was glad when I was given a comment form and asked to fill it in. I told them that the chicken was rubbery and I'd have preferred saute potatoes to boiled. Not boring old boiled like school dinners. I like potatoes with a crisp outside, chaps, saute or roast. If I must have something better for a calorie conscious diet I'd opt for baked in their jackets potatoes or mashed potatoes. (I do hate it when menus say mash (verb) potatoes instead of mashed (adjective).

At dessert time once again my companion chose well and I had the duff dessert and wished I'd ordered the other one. I opted for cheesecake and as I'd suspected the biscuit base was good, the fresh-ish raspberries on top were tasty, but the cheesecake itself looked like toothpaste and did not taste at all like cheese. I prefer the New York style baked

cheesecake you get in Starbucks and similar coffee shops. However, the banoffee (banana+toffee) pie tasted of banana and was wonderful. On my previous visit I'd tried the lemon ice cream and loved it. The single espresso with hot milk was so so.

What do other places do to make coffee a real treat? Caffe Fellini seems to serve coffee with cream and better brown sugar. Lump brown sugar always looks delightful as well as tasting great.

I also told them I'd have preferred chocolate to rock hard mint. (I won't eat caramels nor rock hard sweets and overcooked food since breaking a tooth and having a delicate filling which has already been replaced twice.)

If I go back I'll either opt for the dishes I know are great or try something new. I give five stars to a restaurant where every dish is a delight. Four stars means some are great, some not. Nothing was actually wrong but I save five stars for the ooh ah places where everything looks and tastes delightful.

Hawtreys in Ruislip, and in Hatch End in the evening sometimes Hatchets and Caffe Fellini can hit the ooh ah spot. Maybe Rialto will, too. They are only a few feet away from Hatchet's which has the plaque to Mrs Beeton, the cookery writer who pioneered the recipe starting with the ingredients.

So Rialto - yes, I'll go back. They are conveniently open all day 11 am to 11 pm. If you wish to go, the address is: Rialto Restaurant, 451 Uxbridge Road, Hatch End, Pinner, Middlesex HA5 4JR, tel: 020 8421 5550 /0352.

their other branches are in Fulham and Dorking and their website is www.caferialto.net or www.cafe-rialto.co.uk

Business Card Design Pictures & Text

I'm designing new business cards using the template on my Apple MacBook. You can put in a picture and text.

If you click on the image of business cards left of the picture of me you can see the page large enough to see the pictures. Click on it again and you can read the text.

I've made one version larger.

I used their picture of a typewriter. But I don't use a typewriter. I use a MacBook. How come their business card template doesn't show a MacBook? I suppose the reason is that the MacBook might be out of date or not the model you use. But the typewriter is merely symbolic, and is an out of copyright pictures from years ago.

It's like using a quill pen to represent a writer. It's merely symbolic. Would it be more misleading (trades description act comes to mind)or absurd to show a modern pen which is not the type that the writer actually uses?

Instead of text I had a picture I'd drawn - apparently coming out of the typewriter. That's absurd. An old fashioned typewriter did not do pictures. But a computer or printer shows pictures.

So I need a picture of a computer. Then I took a photo of computer. I asked somebody in the Apple store to take a photo of me with my MacBook.

I am very satisfied. I am making progress. Small steps every day. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Bringing You The Best In Photography

A wedding photography album was praised on trustedplaces.com where I have had more than 250,000 clicks on my reviews. I must add my comment that British style photography, presenting photos in an album, is eclipsed by the poster size, oil painting style photos I've seen in Singapore. I felt really envious of their lovely photos and wished I'd had such an opportunity, and wish to describe it so that wedding photographers and future brides and grooms can copy the system.

My good friends Jaya and Ruby, had a huge poster size photo of themselves on an easel at the entrance to the wedding reception. Later their two best wedding photos were displayed in their new home, one large picture reproduced like an oil painting above the dining table, the other, a more romantic picture, over their double bed.

The system in Singapore adopted by at least one photography studio is that you pay a large sum of money upfront for a day or two of photography. I think it costs £500-£2,500, depending on which options you go for.

The full package would give you a visit to the studio where you dress in your own wedding clothes and/ or a selection of costumes for the studio shots a few of the bride alone and the groom alone, but most in special poses, such as the two looking at each other, him standing behind her chair with a hand on her shoulder, or both shoulders, the two on love seats, holding champagne glasses, whatever the studio and couple deem suitable.

In order to have a large photo of the couple displayed at the door of the wedding reception, you need to do the photography at least a day earlier, more usually a week earlier to allow for delays caused by rain, cloud or other bad weather. If you are having a winter wedding, you could even do the photos the previous summer or autumn. If you already have your wedding clothes, they would be used. If not, you use the studio's historic costumes for the day shots, and a cocktail dress or even a night dress for the romantic bedroom picture.

The second day is a trip around the city - or across to Malaysia, to be photographed in romantic settings, at a waterfall, under trees, beside flowers, in areas of natural beauty, gardens, hotels, famous buildings, historic buildings, religious buildings, on bridges, on beaches, beside water, at dawn , mid-day and sunset, in a horse and carriage or grand car, tandem bicycle, museums - wherever the photographers can take the couple with permission or not needing permission.

I understand that in the old days brides liked to be photographed outside the main (Protestant?) cathedral. But this became so popular that worshippers would try to emerge and be held back by brides who had been married elsewhere, at other churches or the register office, or temples and other non-Christian buildings, but wanted their photo taken at the grander and more expensive cathedral. The cathedral admin, I believe, then limited photography to those who had just been married in the cathedral.

Although the upfront cost of the photography package including the two oil painting style pictures seems a lot, it can be good value compared to what you would end up paying if you hired a photographer and then paid for photos to be turned into oil painting style pictures - I've seen these services offered separately.

Certainly some protection against an eternal triangle. Off-putting for any other woman, or the family's maid, if she had an eye on the husband, if the bride's photo, hugging her husband, is watching everyone in the living room and over the bed! No way the husband can pretend he's single whilst his wife is out of town. And when the bride has turned into a plump pregnant woman, or an elderly mother or grandmother, instead of those old photos being lost in an album, she is preserved in her radiance for her husband and children and the family to admire. And I'm sure it's also good for her own morale. And an encouragement to stay looking young and slim and pretty.

I also do photography and caricatures. And wedding speeches. And comic poems - about weddings, bride and groom, anything you like. I wrote a book called Wedding Speeches & Toasts by Ward/Lock/Cassell which you can probably find in your library or on line. I mentor speech-writers and performers.Your business enquiries, information, and other feedback are welcome. Contact

annalondon8@gmail.com

Passing Exams

Today's News - Some Pupils Were Warned Of Subjects. Cheating?

It is absurd that some people know the subject. However, it really should not matter. In a French test, you can either speak the language or you can't.

However, the whole exam system is absurd. Teachers set the school's exam or are on the board / committee which sets the regional exam.

In many 'competitions' such as public speaking, the subject matter is revealed at the last moment, given to the examiner in a sealed envelope. Or you have ten possible subjects in numbered envelopes and at the last moment one is selected by a throw of the dice. So the person tested would have to be proficient in ten subjects. An exam could be in two parts. The second half could be prepared. For example, it's perfectly reasonable to practise asking the way to a station in a foreign language. A student who prepares and practices everyday conversation is doing the right thing. But everybody should do it from a set of questions in a test book which everybody sees.

The purpose of the school leaving exams is to save the employer the time of testing every applicant.

The GCSE was a good idea. You get a credit just for attending a course. Instead of the stigma of failure, you get credit for whatever level you achieve. But it is easy for an employer to ompare two candidates

How to pass exams

Most teachers do some or all of the following:

1 Take a sample exam paper such as a previous year's, sold by the exam authorities, and the pupil answers the questions and answers are marked.

2 If a pass mark is not reached the pupil can re-read the comments and try the paper again.

3 The pupil works slowly using a dictionary. After several attempts, the words in the dictionary are in the pupil's brain so he can finish an exam paper in the time allotted, and answer a question in the street without hesitation or worry.

4 Reach the top standard so that you are guaranteed to pass whatever question you are given.

Supermarket Feedback

Tesco are inviting Feedback. Wonderful. You hate to be a nuisance customer. It's lovely to have a chance to tell them what you'd like. Here's what I sent them.

Dear Tesco feedback

I shop at Tesco Express Hatch End, bigger Tesco Pinner Green and the huge Watford 24 hours branch.

This is what I would like:

1 More Gifts - especially pot plants, at all prices, wanted at all stores. Including kosher.

Easter and Passover I was invited out to meals and needed gifts. My local Tesco Express always has bunches of flowers but they are not a permanent gift and look cheap next to other people's gifts of pot plants. I needed a potted plant, whether real or artificial. Next year I'll have to go to Marks or Homebase or a bigger Tesco - all involving a long drive, wasting time and petrol.

I'm also fed up with guests who bring me cut flowers. Nuisance to find a vase and keep changing the water. I can't take cut flowers to granny in an old people's home. She doesn't water flowers and we find flowers are dead three days later in the heat at her o.a.p home. Also we can't take cut flowers to hospitals because nurses are too busy and hospitals (both Watford General and Northwick Park) won't accept cut flowers.

I wanted a kosher gift and could not take non-kosher food. Stocks of kosher for passover food were on shelves but nothing smart enough for a gift.

2 Smarter Chocolates

For dinner party invitations I need a smart box of chocolates - ideally like a Christmas present with some small gift attached. A swiss chocolate factory Alprose had a shop full of chocolates with gifts attached. Hundreds. At all prices. Something for when you are just popping round for tea, or going to a big party.

Also more varied boxes. I often hear that a hostess was given identical chocolates or even the same orchids in a pot by two guests. Have twenty colours of orchids or rainbow selections of boxes of chocolates, not 200 identical ones on display. Then at least one guest might give a magenta orchid and another might give a white one.

Same with boxes of chocolates. Boxes could have different colour ribbons attached. Ribbons are often thrown away - such a waste. They can be re-used as a bow tie or hairband. Then the hostess might get different hairbands or bow ties in red and black as well as the two identical boxes of chocolates. If magazines under five pounds can afford a different free gift, then so can manufacturers of chocolate boxes. Especially as so many people are dieting.

The Pinner Green Tesco had lots of Easter chocolates with gifts. But the Tesco Express had none.

3 Non-fattening chocolate plus drinks or other gifts for dieters

How about some weight-watchers chocolates or fancy fruit or chocolates with a gift such as a pair of espresso coffee cups or quarter size champagne or sparkling wine with chocolates. .

If you got two or three of those you could share them out amongst the guests.

4 Less spice

Granny won't eat spice. Spice makes my eyes run and worries me. I also think it gives me and everybody else bad breath and BO - no good for social events, job interviews, etc. So I look for non-spicy but often buy spicy by mistake. You only find out after opening the packet. You don't want to spend another half hour and petrol returning the item. Rather than going back, you make a note not to buy in that shop again. For 2-3 days afterwards you are sub=consciously programmed not to buy and find you have an aversion to shopping and can't identify why, until you find your previous itemised bill.

The words spicy are often small. Bland foods such as chickpeas and hummous which you buy in a hurry turn out to have huge amounts of chilli. I like herbs but not spices. Not chili. You can't taste the flavour of food at all. How do you know the food is fresh?

5 Bigger print

You need a magnifying glass to read lots of print. I want large print so I can see at a glance when buying. Also when reading in a poor light at night. As for instructions on chemical cleaners which you use in bathrooms - should be larger. The designer uses tiny print with huge areas of blank around. Probably because it looks okay on the computer screen.

People also don't want to have to run off for their reading glasses. Nor to keep impatient husbands or drivers or friends waiting whilst trying to decipher small print.

6 Bacon

I've heard complaints that when you cook bacon water comes out of it.

We have lovely obliging service from the staff at Tesco. But they seem to have no way of taking feedback. They seem to have no control over what is ordered. It's all sent by head office. After you've left the shop you've forgotten what you wanted to say. So I'm delighted to have the chance to give a year's worth of feedback.

Caricatures by Angella

£1 - a minute. £5 for a five minutes sketch A6 - you get a photo of it. £10 ten minutes, £15 for £15 minutes. £30 for thirty minutes. £60 for 60 minutes A3 - you keep the original and I take a photo for my records. Timing Five minutes - pencil sketch. 10 minutes colour sketch. 15 minutes watercolour wash. 20 minutes outline with black ink. 25 minutes add more details. 30 minutes tidy up sketch and intensify colours. 60 minutes -- make one or two small version in 30 minutes, and if you like copy to large size. Or commit to large size and start straight away.

Entertaining Adults

For a party, charity event or evening - I can arrive with artist's materials hidden in my handbag and bring them out at the interval. Or transport large size sketchbooks. It helps if somebody else can transport me so I can concentrate on having everything I need without finding the way and watching traffic.

Or if there is an easel or display board on site, I can commit to a whole evening of sketching to amuse the host and guests (depending on how much detail they want). I could spend most of the evening on one person - such as the host - or just a few volunteers or do everybody in turn.

Price negotiable. It's a lot of fun for everybody - those being sketched and those just watching. It helps to have a glass of water. I will drink the water and tip some out for the watercolours. Food and drink is always welcome.

Entertaining Children

I've also been invited to champagne Sunday lunch as an 'Aunty' to amuse, entertain, occupy and distract the hosts' and guests' children with my puppets and drawings. I can use the puppets, loan puppets to the children, draw the children, teach the older ones to draw, and give the younger ones paper and pencils so they can copy their older siblings.

Comments, compliments, testimonials and enquiries - to see, or add, go to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn.

Contact angelalansbury@hotmail.com

Caricature of Calculating Paul

Paul loved this caricature of himself, portrayed with his calculator as

Calculating Paul.

I do a sketch of people with some object which shows them enjoying their favourite hobby, sporty, work or pastime.

I try to make up a punning title.

I add the full name of the person, the date, and my illustrator's signature Angella which is short for ANGELA LAnsbury.

£1 - a minute. £5 for a five minutes sketch A6 - you get a photo of it. £10 ten minutes, £15 for £15 minutes. £30 for thirty minutes. £60 for 60 minutes A3 - you keep the original and I take a photo for my records. Timing Five minutes - pencil sketch. 10 minutes colour sketch. 15 minutes watercolour wash. 20 minutes outline with black ink. 25 minutes add more details. 30 minutes tidy up sketch and intensify colours. 60 minutes -- make one or two small version in 30 minutes, and if you like copy to large size. Or commit to large size and start straight away.

For a party, charity event or evening requiring travel - Negotiable.

To chat about caricatures or order, please contact: annalondon8@gmail.com

Restaurant Rants

Another restaurant voucher company, Groupon, rhyming with coupon, has emailed me. They are mostly in America.

I signed up but they have not yet started.

I filled in their survey. They asked for extra comments. This is what I said.

Would like vouchers lasting longer than a day - a week or a month - by the time you're home from work or holiday the event such as lunch may be over.

Don't want to print out coloured vouchers - cost too much in printing ink

I like complete meals including coffee and a drink like the French - otherwise if the price is unpredictable I get told that we can't afford to eat again

I would like option to give the restaurant feedback.

I hate places which charge extra for vegetables - half the time you end up ordering double and paying for food thrown away, half the time you end up with a disappointing, unsatisfying meal of meat and carb only which is unhealthy and you are all eating at different times.

I love a three course set meal with a glass of wine, coffee and service included.

Nearest I get to that is my favourite Fellini.

I also like a dessert assorti. They do that at Cafe Rouge and Ember Inns.

Leicester Square

See

1 Caricaturists. I would like to know their prices.

2 Bust of Hogarth.

3 Handprints of stars in the pavement. Stars include Stephen Fry.

Copyright photos by Angela Lansbury.

Trafalgar Square and Oscar Wilde

Trafalgar Square is known for Nelson's column but many other famous people are depictred in statues and paintings nearby. As you arrive from Charing Cross station, I like murals which are informative, relevant, colourful and happy.
The Bakerloo line platform coming in from the north is very welcoming and uplifting with murals of historic characters.
Unfortunately upstairs the steps to the streets are filthy. But you are right out in the centre of London with Trafalgar Square and Nelson's Column and the National Gallery and the National Portrait Gallery only steps away. Oscar Wilde's reclining statue is across the road. Downhill to your right is the Embankment station on the river Thames. It's the place to meet up with friends especially foreign friends who arrive on business or as tourists. Also in the are is Embankment station a few steps away.

In Leicester Square I saw caricaturists at work. beyond them I found a bust of Hogarth. In the pavement were handprints of famous people.

Ten things I hate

Ten things I hate - and solutions I’d love.

1 Desks with no backs so when you push something onto the front of a shelf something else falls off the back. Solution to problem: An instant back which slides up and locks should be attached to every shelf and desk.

2 Mobile phones which attach to the wrist strap or lanyard so the phone hangs at an angel as you are drunk. Solution: Put pull out fold away soft rounded loops on all four corner.

3 Anything like a phone on a wrist strap which hurls itself against the rail or wall as you go up steps or climb into a vehicle. See 2.

4 Silver or gold rings which turn from round to oval or square when you knock them against a tap or door handle. Every ring should come with a conical solid rubber rest on which to keep it when washing your hands and which stretches it back into shape. I spend ages hunting for a pen large enough to stretch a ring or use the end of a knife handle and risk scraping silver or gold off the inside of the ring.

5 Socks which vanish leaving you half a pair. They should have magnets. Or tracker devices.

6 Tights which ladder and split. Maybe I should tattoo patterned tights. Then wear sexy socks.

7 Clothes which say ‘one size fits all’ - except me. Am I a freak? One size fits all midgets. Every size and shape should have a magic number. (I know I’m supposed to be size 4 shoe and size 14 but I can wear shoes ranging from 4 to 6 and clothes ranging from 12 to 20 - but none of the others (and not the size I’m supposed to be according to the tape measure) by the same manufacturer.

8 Friends and tourists who complain to me that the journey from central London to see me takes so long. Don’t complain to me. Solution. Complain to London Transport. Second Solution. All customer requests should be logged. Anything which gets 100 requests should be listed to be fixed or done.

9 Clothes which need washing. Every bathroom should have a built in quick washer and quick dryer so you chuck your dirty clothes into a machine before cleaning your teeth and rescue them clean for tomorrow five minutes later. Major hotels have quick dry machines for swimsuits. Public toilets have instant hand dryers. Expensive washing machines

10 A central wishlist for every person and a team or a hundred mentors for each person to fix their life. You mentor a hundred people a week and a hundred people mentor you. Like the system somebody started int he recession for vouchers for everybody doing favours for neighbours so you babysit for one person and somebody else mows the lawn for you. Like being good neighbours or good citizens but on a big scale. But I suppose that’s what life is. All families, businesses and countries work like that. From each according to his ability. to each according to its need. So what goes wrong? When the system is so large that nobody sees any immediate nor long term benefit and they get de-motivated. Corruption and leaders siphoning off money, or stealing it, or wasting it. Solution? A world where bad thoughts and bad words are banned. But we have that already. Every website tries to ban libellous, racist or insulting language. Maybe there is hope. So, let’s think positively. Not ten things I hate. Ten problems I would like to fix.

I must try to remember this for one of those toastmasters exercises where you are given a table topic (impromptu speech) on what I would do if I were king/queen/prime minister.

Count Your Blessings

I was set this topic as a table topic or impromptu speech in Singapore where I was a ribbon.

I came second or, as my certificate says, First Runner Up, at Harrovians Toastmasters club in the UK.

Tonight at HOD I gave this version of my speech Count Your Blessings and Take Action.

Here's the Count Your Blessings & Take Action speech version 2.

You should count your blessings. Why? Most of my audience at Toastmasters are optimists, at least while they are out at Toastmasters.. So why is this message relevant to you?
(I ask the audience) Are you optimists or pessimists?
Why is being optimistic important - because Unicef study shows that British children are the most depressed worldwide - at least in the 21 developed countries. That's this week's news. I wonder whether that has anything to do with the fact that the Samaritans started here in Britain.

First The Optimist's Creed

I have a handout of copies of the Optimist's Creed. It was written many years ago but is still relevant today.

If you are depressed - or want to be an optimist or give this creed to anybody else such as your children or grandchildren I have four copies do we have four pessimists?
One person is putting her hand up and down and can't decide if she's an optimist or pessimist - maybe she's both - a manic -depressive! A heckler has called her bi-polar.

I have several stories to tell you about optimism and pessimism. You can read more of my speeches and stories on the internet.

I try to be optimistic. I wear colours that keep me cheerful. Do you think I look a colourful person? I wear reds and today I'm wearing red and green, the colours my uncle could not see.

My beloved late uncle didn't know I was colourful because he was colour blind.
Uncle could not see and did not want flowers in hospital. He had no flowers in the gardens at his house. I was upset about this and so was my uncle and everybody else.

But that saved his life. He wanted to be a pilot in World War two but couldn't be - because he was colour blind. He was upset about that too. Nobody realised the connection. I didn't realise until I wrote up the family history. My mother's first husband husband died in a plane in the war. Being colour blind helped my uncle survive.
I used to be upset whenever I looked at flowers, even this plastic flower, and these pictures of colourful flowers. But now I see that being colour blind was a blessing.

My uncle outlived many other people. Not just in wartime. Neither my uncle nor anybody else saw his being colour blind as having any advantage or silver lining. But when I wrote family history I could see that being colour blind had been a blessing in disguise.Newspapers give bad news but Uncle used to read obituaries and say triumphantly - 'I outlived him!'

At the end of his life when my uncle was depressed he still blamed his parents for everything. My son who read psychology at university said that by the time your are on your deathbed you should have stopped blaming your parents for what happened in your childhood. What's important is not where you've come from but where you are going, as Ella Fitzgerald said.

People worry too much about little things - even big things which seem big at the time. I remember being upset about losing a job. I phone my mother up and she said, 'Do you remember Lesley Whittle, the girl who went missing?'

I said, 'Yes.'

My other said, 'They've found her.'

I said, 'Good, she's alive.'

My mother said, 'No she isn't. But I don't want you to upset about that, or about losing a job. Don't upset yourself or upset me about anything. Just enjoy life. There are dreadful things much worse than what happens in your life in the papers every day.'

I'll end with a happier story illustrating the same point. The goat story, shows how things could always be worse, and when you realise that, they don't seem so bad.
In my family we tell the goat story as an example of how things could always be worse.

(My first version of this speech told the internet joke, the Flood Story about woman refusing help in flood.)

The Goat story is about a poor man asking advice and getting told to get a goat.

A week later he says life is even worse. He is told to get rid of the goat.

He comes back a week later to say he feels so much better now the goat has gone.

So be an optimist and Count Your Blessings and take action to stay an optimist, Things can only get better.

Winning Evaluation, Prepared Speeches

Tonight I won the speech evaluation contest.

I didn't win the prepared speech. Can't win them all. Maybe I'm a better teacher than doer.

I advised a new member on how to give his first speech. I suggested making his name memorable.

If he plays a sport he can use as a prop a golf club or a football. If he plays two sports link them together. If he used to play football but now plays golf, contrast the two, find what they have in common, be funny. For example, he used to play a sport which involved running around kicking a big ball, but now he's older he walks around and he needs the aid of a golf club just to hit a tiny ball.

Are the speaker's wife and father in the same or different kinds of business or profession? If the same, guess what my wife does? She also in finance/IT/Law/The music business/Whatever. Guess what my father used to do? He was also in finance/It/Law/The music business/Whatever. We don't have any children. But if we did, they would be in ...? Yes, finance.

You could link all parts of your speech with one of your hobbies, such as song titles. For example, I used to live in such and such a country. (Play their music or give a song title.) Then I moved to London. 'Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner that I love London so."

You could also use quotations or proverbs. For each town you live in. Or each profession if you changed jobs many times.

Talk about how your parents or teachers or friends helped you. Or how they tried to stop you but you persisted it.

Have some drama, disagreement. Even dramatise as if you are talking to yourself about the pros and cons.

Be positive. Give your biggest success, proudest moment. The turning point in your life.

What would you want to talk about? Who would you want to make friends with? Local people? Then tell them where you live and what you like about it. Or tell them why they should visit your area. Make it easy for the audience to remember your name, where you live, what you do in the daytime, your hobbies or sports, which members of your family are likely to answer the phone or door.

What Not to do on TV

Marsha on LinkedIn asked for advice on what to do and not do when appearing on TV.

I replied:

If you join Toastmasters International one of their advanced manuals has five exercises in which you prepare for a TV presentation.
2 Ask for advice. For example, You might be told that you will be appearing only shoulders up and warned not to wear a strapless dress because you will look like you are in the nude.
3 Make sure you can get a recording.
4 Ensure that the interviewer knows what you are promoting and that the last question allows you to give details. Otherwise he or she might say, 'Thanks, that's all we have time for,' before you have time to give your vital piece of promotion or contact details.
5 If you have an item such as a book to display, hold it steady and visible. Don't wave it about like a flag.
6 Look as if you are enjoying yourself and not at a funeral, unless you are at a funeral, in which case look dignified and respectful and don't grin.

What Makes A Professional Speaker

On linkedin a speaker asked, What makes a professional speaker?

My answer was:

1 Getting paid. 2 Selling something - a book or product. 3 Well prepared, researched, original. 4 Authoritative, confident and in control of technology and props. 5 Delivers a message useful to the audience. 6 A structures speech rather than waffling on and reminiscing and getting distracted by hecklers, questions, interruptions and daydreaming. 7 Dress to impress, looking controlled and authoritative - not in old jeans and tee shirt looking as if you popped in from cleaning the car because a more important speaker did not turn up. 8 Follow-up on people met.

9 Call to action such as see my blog and buy my books on Lulu.com and follow me on facebook and twitter.

10 Staying in contact with the organizer so you get invited to speak again.

Zoo Logical verse

verse 895

Zoo Logical

by Angela Lansbury

My homework was due in last week

To write as if animals speak

What they think of me and mother

Dad, my brother - and each other!

My dogs and I communicate

Wagged tails and barks means walks are great

Good luck, today not much to do

I stroll, they trot, to see our zoo

Zoos won’t let dogs and cats go in

To visit lions - kith and kin

I said, ‘Cats - I beg your pardon.

Dogs, let’s walk round our garden’.

I chased and tried to interview

Twenty mayflies in a tizzy.

They sighed, ‘Come back tomorrow, dear

Today we’re awfully busy.’

Mayflies do not outlive the night

I could not say, ‘You live one day,’

I’m honest but I’m too polite.

I smiled. I shrugged. I walked away.

***

But over in America

In the city of Atlanta

A chimp can type three thousand words

Using a computer.

Like, “Please buy me a hamburger.’

Computers help it translate talk

Another signs two thousand words

One taught itself to write with chalk

If animals all had a vote

Some would live long or make a fuss

The dirt party, cockroaches

Would soon out-vote all of us

For most of them would sleep all day

And make us vegetarian

Lions and tigers would put them right

And the worms eat us - barbarians!

Cut them in half and they double

So you end up with two many

The tapes worms might crawl out to vote

But the rest sleep in the cemetery.

-ends-

copyright Angela Lansbury