Restaurant Rants

Another restaurant voucher company, Groupon, rhyming with coupon, has emailed me. They are mostly in America.

I signed up but they have not yet started.

I filled in their survey. They asked for extra comments. This is what I said.

Would like vouchers lasting longer than a day - a week or a month - by the time you're home from work or holiday the event such as lunch may be over.

Don't want to print out coloured vouchers - cost too much in printing ink

I like complete meals including coffee and a drink like the French - otherwise if the price is unpredictable I get told that we can't afford to eat again

I would like option to give the restaurant feedback.

I hate places which charge extra for vegetables - half the time you end up ordering double and paying for food thrown away, half the time you end up with a disappointing, unsatisfying meal of meat and carb only which is unhealthy and you are all eating at different times.

I love a three course set meal with a glass of wine, coffee and service included.

Nearest I get to that is my favourite Fellini.

I also like a dessert assorti. They do that at Cafe Rouge and Ember Inns.

Leicester Square

See

1 Caricaturists. I would like to know their prices.

2 Bust of Hogarth.

3 Handprints of stars in the pavement. Stars include Stephen Fry.

Copyright photos by Angela Lansbury.

Trafalgar Square and Oscar Wilde

Trafalgar Square is known for Nelson's column but many other famous people are depictred in statues and paintings nearby. As you arrive from Charing Cross station, I like murals which are informative, relevant, colourful and happy.
The Bakerloo line platform coming in from the north is very welcoming and uplifting with murals of historic characters.
Unfortunately upstairs the steps to the streets are filthy. But you are right out in the centre of London with Trafalgar Square and Nelson's Column and the National Gallery and the National Portrait Gallery only steps away. Oscar Wilde's reclining statue is across the road. Downhill to your right is the Embankment station on the river Thames. It's the place to meet up with friends especially foreign friends who arrive on business or as tourists. Also in the are is Embankment station a few steps away.

In Leicester Square I saw caricaturists at work. beyond them I found a bust of Hogarth. In the pavement were handprints of famous people.

Ten things I hate

Ten things I hate - and solutions I’d love.

1 Desks with no backs so when you push something onto the front of a shelf something else falls off the back. Solution to problem: An instant back which slides up and locks should be attached to every shelf and desk.

2 Mobile phones which attach to the wrist strap or lanyard so the phone hangs at an angel as you are drunk. Solution: Put pull out fold away soft rounded loops on all four corner.

3 Anything like a phone on a wrist strap which hurls itself against the rail or wall as you go up steps or climb into a vehicle. See 2.

4 Silver or gold rings which turn from round to oval or square when you knock them against a tap or door handle. Every ring should come with a conical solid rubber rest on which to keep it when washing your hands and which stretches it back into shape. I spend ages hunting for a pen large enough to stretch a ring or use the end of a knife handle and risk scraping silver or gold off the inside of the ring.

5 Socks which vanish leaving you half a pair. They should have magnets. Or tracker devices.

6 Tights which ladder and split. Maybe I should tattoo patterned tights. Then wear sexy socks.

7 Clothes which say ‘one size fits all’ - except me. Am I a freak? One size fits all midgets. Every size and shape should have a magic number. (I know I’m supposed to be size 4 shoe and size 14 but I can wear shoes ranging from 4 to 6 and clothes ranging from 12 to 20 - but none of the others (and not the size I’m supposed to be according to the tape measure) by the same manufacturer.

8 Friends and tourists who complain to me that the journey from central London to see me takes so long. Don’t complain to me. Solution. Complain to London Transport. Second Solution. All customer requests should be logged. Anything which gets 100 requests should be listed to be fixed or done.

9 Clothes which need washing. Every bathroom should have a built in quick washer and quick dryer so you chuck your dirty clothes into a machine before cleaning your teeth and rescue them clean for tomorrow five minutes later. Major hotels have quick dry machines for swimsuits. Public toilets have instant hand dryers. Expensive washing machines

10 A central wishlist for every person and a team or a hundred mentors for each person to fix their life. You mentor a hundred people a week and a hundred people mentor you. Like the system somebody started int he recession for vouchers for everybody doing favours for neighbours so you babysit for one person and somebody else mows the lawn for you. Like being good neighbours or good citizens but on a big scale. But I suppose that’s what life is. All families, businesses and countries work like that. From each according to his ability. to each according to its need. So what goes wrong? When the system is so large that nobody sees any immediate nor long term benefit and they get de-motivated. Corruption and leaders siphoning off money, or stealing it, or wasting it. Solution? A world where bad thoughts and bad words are banned. But we have that already. Every website tries to ban libellous, racist or insulting language. Maybe there is hope. So, let’s think positively. Not ten things I hate. Ten problems I would like to fix.

I must try to remember this for one of those toastmasters exercises where you are given a table topic (impromptu speech) on what I would do if I were king/queen/prime minister.

Count Your Blessings

I was set this topic as a table topic or impromptu speech in Singapore where I was a ribbon.

I came second or, as my certificate says, First Runner Up, at Harrovians Toastmasters club in the UK.

Tonight at HOD I gave this version of my speech Count Your Blessings and Take Action.

Here's the Count Your Blessings & Take Action speech version 2.

You should count your blessings. Why? Most of my audience at Toastmasters are optimists, at least while they are out at Toastmasters.. So why is this message relevant to you?
(I ask the audience) Are you optimists or pessimists?
Why is being optimistic important - because Unicef study shows that British children are the most depressed worldwide - at least in the 21 developed countries. That's this week's news. I wonder whether that has anything to do with the fact that the Samaritans started here in Britain.

First The Optimist's Creed

I have a handout of copies of the Optimist's Creed. It was written many years ago but is still relevant today.

If you are depressed - or want to be an optimist or give this creed to anybody else such as your children or grandchildren I have four copies do we have four pessimists?
One person is putting her hand up and down and can't decide if she's an optimist or pessimist - maybe she's both - a manic -depressive! A heckler has called her bi-polar.

I have several stories to tell you about optimism and pessimism. You can read more of my speeches and stories on the internet.

I try to be optimistic. I wear colours that keep me cheerful. Do you think I look a colourful person? I wear reds and today I'm wearing red and green, the colours my uncle could not see.

My beloved late uncle didn't know I was colourful because he was colour blind.
Uncle could not see and did not want flowers in hospital. He had no flowers in the gardens at his house. I was upset about this and so was my uncle and everybody else.

But that saved his life. He wanted to be a pilot in World War two but couldn't be - because he was colour blind. He was upset about that too. Nobody realised the connection. I didn't realise until I wrote up the family history. My mother's first husband husband died in a plane in the war. Being colour blind helped my uncle survive.
I used to be upset whenever I looked at flowers, even this plastic flower, and these pictures of colourful flowers. But now I see that being colour blind was a blessing.

My uncle outlived many other people. Not just in wartime. Neither my uncle nor anybody else saw his being colour blind as having any advantage or silver lining. But when I wrote family history I could see that being colour blind had been a blessing in disguise.Newspapers give bad news but Uncle used to read obituaries and say triumphantly - 'I outlived him!'

At the end of his life when my uncle was depressed he still blamed his parents for everything. My son who read psychology at university said that by the time your are on your deathbed you should have stopped blaming your parents for what happened in your childhood. What's important is not where you've come from but where you are going, as Ella Fitzgerald said.

People worry too much about little things - even big things which seem big at the time. I remember being upset about losing a job. I phone my mother up and she said, 'Do you remember Lesley Whittle, the girl who went missing?'

I said, 'Yes.'

My other said, 'They've found her.'

I said, 'Good, she's alive.'

My mother said, 'No she isn't. But I don't want you to upset about that, or about losing a job. Don't upset yourself or upset me about anything. Just enjoy life. There are dreadful things much worse than what happens in your life in the papers every day.'

I'll end with a happier story illustrating the same point. The goat story, shows how things could always be worse, and when you realise that, they don't seem so bad.
In my family we tell the goat story as an example of how things could always be worse.

(My first version of this speech told the internet joke, the Flood Story about woman refusing help in flood.)

The Goat story is about a poor man asking advice and getting told to get a goat.

A week later he says life is even worse. He is told to get rid of the goat.

He comes back a week later to say he feels so much better now the goat has gone.

So be an optimist and Count Your Blessings and take action to stay an optimist, Things can only get better.

Winning Evaluation, Prepared Speeches

Tonight I won the speech evaluation contest.

I didn't win the prepared speech. Can't win them all. Maybe I'm a better teacher than doer.

I advised a new member on how to give his first speech. I suggested making his name memorable.

If he plays a sport he can use as a prop a golf club or a football. If he plays two sports link them together. If he used to play football but now plays golf, contrast the two, find what they have in common, be funny. For example, he used to play a sport which involved running around kicking a big ball, but now he's older he walks around and he needs the aid of a golf club just to hit a tiny ball.

Are the speaker's wife and father in the same or different kinds of business or profession? If the same, guess what my wife does? She also in finance/IT/Law/The music business/Whatever. Guess what my father used to do? He was also in finance/It/Law/The music business/Whatever. We don't have any children. But if we did, they would be in ...? Yes, finance.

You could link all parts of your speech with one of your hobbies, such as song titles. For example, I used to live in such and such a country. (Play their music or give a song title.) Then I moved to London. 'Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner that I love London so."

You could also use quotations or proverbs. For each town you live in. Or each profession if you changed jobs many times.

Talk about how your parents or teachers or friends helped you. Or how they tried to stop you but you persisted it.

Have some drama, disagreement. Even dramatise as if you are talking to yourself about the pros and cons.

Be positive. Give your biggest success, proudest moment. The turning point in your life.

What would you want to talk about? Who would you want to make friends with? Local people? Then tell them where you live and what you like about it. Or tell them why they should visit your area. Make it easy for the audience to remember your name, where you live, what you do in the daytime, your hobbies or sports, which members of your family are likely to answer the phone or door.

What Not to do on TV

Marsha on LinkedIn asked for advice on what to do and not do when appearing on TV.

I replied:

If you join Toastmasters International one of their advanced manuals has five exercises in which you prepare for a TV presentation.
2 Ask for advice. For example, You might be told that you will be appearing only shoulders up and warned not to wear a strapless dress because you will look like you are in the nude.
3 Make sure you can get a recording.
4 Ensure that the interviewer knows what you are promoting and that the last question allows you to give details. Otherwise he or she might say, 'Thanks, that's all we have time for,' before you have time to give your vital piece of promotion or contact details.
5 If you have an item such as a book to display, hold it steady and visible. Don't wave it about like a flag.
6 Look as if you are enjoying yourself and not at a funeral, unless you are at a funeral, in which case look dignified and respectful and don't grin.