A friend's anger, drink and death - what is the cause and what is the cure?

Helen was a good friend of Sharon, who got married in Singapore earlier this year, and my other good friend Betty. I had met Helen at a party for Betty's book launch and Helen drank a lot and talked loudly. When I saw Helen again at Sharon's wedding in April 2016, Helen was singing loudly with two men at the microphone. That attracted my attention. I gradually realised that the loud singing, coupled with being unsteady on her feet, meant she might have had too much to drink. At the end of the wedding she could not find her hand bag and started shouting at the staff of the venue that she wanted her handbag, 'NOW!" We all scurried about and her handbag was found. It had been moved by the staff or guests from one of the dining tables to another position when the tables were moved to make the floor clear for dancing. Finally she threw or dropped a glass on the floor and it broke. She cut her hand. She was bleeding and speaking loudly. I had been happy for myself and the bride all evening. Now I was anxious for the bride and her injured guest. Next day, I heard that the lady had written to the bride and at least one other guest to apologise. I think she woke with no memory of what happened. Either it was recorded on somebody's phone or her husband told her. Either she or her husband or both decided she would write and apologise. I had hidden that memory away. I had a more personal memory of the wedding. Delayed Wedding Ceremony The official due to marry the bride and groom was late. He had not communicated with them all day and they were worried that he would arrive too late for their photos of the ceremony at sunset on the Botanical Gardens bandstand or would not turn up at all. We were extending the pre-dinner drinking time. This was presumably costing the bride and groom more money. The guests were getting more drunk. The bride to be sniffed, "What's the point of having a dinner to celebrate our wedding when we haven't got married?" I conducted a mock or rehearsal wedding ceremony so they could get their photos. Then the official turned up and as everybody started eating dinner, he conducted the ceremony. (We have all of this on various videos, the official videos plus a family handphone.) When we visited friends in August 2016, I was shocked to learn that Helen had died within the previous fortnight. If I have got the story right, she was suffering from both a brain tumour and a cancer which had spread from her lungs and through her lymph system. Apparently she smoked a little, not a lot. I now have several thoughts troubling me, intruding, churning through my mind: 1 Did smoking or drinking cause the cancer and did that cause the tumour? 2 Was her drinking cause or effect of her illness? 3 Was her behaviour caused by her illness? 4 Should a change of behaviour, or bad behaviour, make us check for a physical cause? (In the UK my next door neighbour, a retired nurse, said that she knew my late father-in-law was ill long before he was diagnosed, because she observed his character changing from life and soul of the party to grumpy old man.) 5 Should I be more forgiving and tolerant, as her friends were? 6 How many instances of anti-social behaviour, and more serious problems, such as psychopathic serial killers and mad dictators and leaders starting wars are suffering from an illness which could be treated to relieve their malaise and save the rest of us from suffering from their actions and save their family and friends grieving at their early death, however it may appear to be caused. Angela Lansbury Author of How To Get Out Of The Mess You're In.

Dating Safety First For Women On Blind Dates

Safety Advice For Women

If a man wants a lady to get in his car and spin down the motorway to an as yet unknown (to her) restaurant or his home, whether it’s a first date a second date, or a long term arrangement (remember Bluebeard) somebody should know where she has gone and with whom.

A lady should have his car number and make, plus his address and phone number so that she can keep these with her and leave these facts behind (not in the house which he can burgle, but via email so the server keeps a record) to show where she has gone.

In the case of an accident such as a car accident, an accident at his home, or her feeling faint or him having a heart attack she couldn't even phone for help without knowing where she was.

When women date men under 50 the problems are drink and drugs. Over 50s the problems are more often health. I know of two or three cases where a lady had a date with a man who later revealed he'd just had a triple by-pass and wanted to die happy in a woman's arms.

You can't know necessarily know in advance that you will have a car accident or a heart attack. Both are equally scary, the man behind the wheel who is drunk when the lady is sober. The men behind the wheel who is sober having got the lady drunk.

Once, long ago, a man invited me to lunch and opened a bottle of wine. He drank nothing.

So when he went back to the kitchen I poured the wine into the pot plant. Yes, if I were writing a tragedy - or a comedy, the poor plant instantly collapses!

However, some people they don't tell you their health problems until half way through date one or date two.

It’s still safer to stay in a restaurant. If a man’s budget is too small. (Is he spending on all those other ladies on the nights he is busy?) He could take her to a chain like Cafe Rouge, especially if it is running a special offer, or look for a place with a discount offer.