A friend's anger, drink and death - what is the cause and what is the cure?

Helen was a good friend of Sharon, who got married in Singapore earlier this year, and my other good friend Betty. I had met Helen at a party for Betty's book launch and Helen drank a lot and talked loudly. When I saw Helen again at Sharon's wedding in April 2016, Helen was singing loudly with two men at the microphone. That attracted my attention. I gradually realised that the loud singing, coupled with being unsteady on her feet, meant she might have had too much to drink. At the end of the wedding she could not find her hand bag and started shouting at the staff of the venue that she wanted her handbag, 'NOW!" We all scurried about and her handbag was found. It had been moved by the staff or guests from one of the dining tables to another position when the tables were moved to make the floor clear for dancing. Finally she threw or dropped a glass on the floor and it broke. She cut her hand. She was bleeding and speaking loudly. I had been happy for myself and the bride all evening. Now I was anxious for the bride and her injured guest. Next day, I heard that the lady had written to the bride and at least one other guest to apologise. I think she woke with no memory of what happened. Either it was recorded on somebody's phone or her husband told her. Either she or her husband or both decided she would write and apologise. I had hidden that memory away. I had a more personal memory of the wedding. Delayed Wedding Ceremony The official due to marry the bride and groom was late. He had not communicated with them all day and they were worried that he would arrive too late for their photos of the ceremony at sunset on the Botanical Gardens bandstand or would not turn up at all. We were extending the pre-dinner drinking time. This was presumably costing the bride and groom more money. The guests were getting more drunk. The bride to be sniffed, "What's the point of having a dinner to celebrate our wedding when we haven't got married?" I conducted a mock or rehearsal wedding ceremony so they could get their photos. Then the official turned up and as everybody started eating dinner, he conducted the ceremony. (We have all of this on various videos, the official videos plus a family handphone.) When we visited friends in August 2016, I was shocked to learn that Helen had died within the previous fortnight. If I have got the story right, she was suffering from both a brain tumour and a cancer which had spread from her lungs and through her lymph system. Apparently she smoked a little, not a lot. I now have several thoughts troubling me, intruding, churning through my mind: 1 Did smoking or drinking cause the cancer and did that cause the tumour? 2 Was her drinking cause or effect of her illness? 3 Was her behaviour caused by her illness? 4 Should a change of behaviour, or bad behaviour, make us check for a physical cause? (In the UK my next door neighbour, a retired nurse, said that she knew my late father-in-law was ill long before he was diagnosed, because she observed his character changing from life and soul of the party to grumpy old man.) 5 Should I be more forgiving and tolerant, as her friends were? 6 How many instances of anti-social behaviour, and more serious problems, such as psychopathic serial killers and mad dictators and leaders starting wars are suffering from an illness which could be treated to relieve their malaise and save the rest of us from suffering from their actions and save their family and friends grieving at their early death, however it may appear to be caused. Angela Lansbury Author of How To Get Out Of The Mess You're In.

Calling hairdressers to save my cut hair and make a wig

What they should do is save your hair for a wig. Every hairdresser should offer you the change to save your hair - and pay them to order a wig. Get it done when you are young, when your hair is long, or every time you change hairstyle or colour. When you are old and bald or have cancer or an accident, or don't like your new too short haircut, you can wear your wig and say, "Yes, it's my own hair."

Seven a day - portions of fruit and vegetables - how?

    Seven a day seems a lot. We heard rumours years ago that seven was the ideal but that we were told five because seven would seem such a large jump that the majority of people would not even try or would try and give up.
     Cut Sugar Desserts - Eat Fruit Salad
     My late father was late onset diabetic and when he was alive and came round for a bridge evening our system was simply to have fruit salad for dessert.      
     Later another member of my family had a cancer scare. We in my family tried to follow the recommendation on the cancer research sites, UK and worldwide. the cure worked.
     Now we are back to the simple rule that everybody should eat healthily to prevent problems. But we already have a system in place for five. This is it.

Five Portions of Fruit Or Vegetables Each Day
   Breakfast - fruit salad with porridge (add because porridge anti-cholesterol)  1 portion of fruit
   Lunch - meat or fish or egg(s) with 2 vegetables and 1 fruit salad -
   Dinner - meat or fish or egg(s) with 2 vegetables; desert is and either fruit salad or half portion of cake/ dessert or fruit salad and a chocolate or small crackers with cheese
 
For elevenses and tea time either two dried apricots or a spoon of cream cheese and a glass of water. Cut out sugar in coffee. Drink semi-skimmed milk.

   On the five a day system we were indulging in extra sugar from a glass or two of wine, cheese after a meal as well as or instead of fruit, sometimes a meal out including a dessert. We weighed ourselves and if the weight went up after a meal out we were back on fruit the next day, or day three if we divided up a take away dessert.

This was adopted as a diet. I have lost weight slowly. 2014 March my weight is 64.8 which is 10 stone 3 lbs. I have to lose another half stone or stone.  I should have achieved that by the end of the year.

In terms of gym and swim, I am doing aqua swim once a week. I would lose weight faster if I went twice a week or better still every day, if I had access to an indoor pool or an outdoor pool and good weather - no snow, no rain, no smog.

Seven A Day
  Our / Your Choice
Breakfast - 1 portion of fruit.
Lunch - 2 vegetables 1 fruit
Dinner 2 vegetables 1 fruit.

You can weigh your fruit and vegetables or just go by the guidelines of one large fish sized piece or a selection of smaller ones.  Ideally have more vegetables than fruit because of the sugar in fruit.

Tips

Buy fruit and vegetables from a shopping list.

Send your most rule-following person to buy food.

Go straight to the fruit and vegetable area in the supermarket and by-pass temptation.

Order online delivery so you are not tempted.

Cut cakes into finger-size portions like a chocolate to have with coffee.

Share desserts, cakes and biscuits and bread rolls between two or three.

Restrict alcohol to after six pm, like most working Americans.

Drink only at weekends.

Cut out drink except for evening birthdays and New Year's Eve.

Restrict drinking - have a January dry month. 

Give up drink for Lent, Ramadan, Passover, whatever.