My first draft for an 800 word short story was 1600 words. So I have to cut half the words in every sentence. Or cut every other sentence. Some of each.
What can I cut? She could see becomes she saw.
The college had taught her becomes the college taught her.
She tried to dance becomes she danced.
She watched him seal becomes he walked.
Asking for money becomes requested money.
She was sure she had lost him becomes she had lost him.
Too expensive becomes expensive.
He did a jig becomes he jigged. She faced away from becomes she ignored.
From the top becomes from above.
She looked around for a waste bin becomes she looked for a bin.
The cutting of words loses no sense but makes the writing better, more succinct and taut.
I changed she was sure he would ask for money to would he ask for money. I saved three words in eight. I left even more doubt in the reader's mind. More doubt, more questions, means more tension. the story is a whodunnit - a story which makes the reader keep reading to find out the answer.
The commuters becomes commuters. The indicates we have met them before or that they are important. Here the word the is not necessary.
At least by good luck becomes luckily.
I can help you with that becomes I can help, or I'll help you.
People smiled at them becomes people smiled.
What can I cut? She could see becomes she saw.
The college had taught her becomes the college taught her.
She tried to dance becomes she danced.
She watched him seal becomes he walked.
Asking for money becomes requested money.
She was sure she had lost him becomes she had lost him.
Too expensive becomes expensive.
He did a jig becomes he jigged. She faced away from becomes she ignored.
From the top becomes from above.
She looked around for a waste bin becomes she looked for a bin.
The cutting of words loses no sense but makes the writing better, more succinct and taut.
I changed she was sure he would ask for money to would he ask for money. I saved three words in eight. I left even more doubt in the reader's mind. More doubt, more questions, means more tension. the story is a whodunnit - a story which makes the reader keep reading to find out the answer.
The commuters becomes commuters. The indicates we have met them before or that they are important. Here the word the is not necessary.
At least by good luck becomes luckily.
I can help you with that becomes I can help, or I'll help you.
People smiled at them becomes people smiled.
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